Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the
years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately,
their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play
cards. One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and
said, "Now don't get mad at me.....I know we've been friends for a long
time.....but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and
thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her
friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and
glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?
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Two elderly women were eating at a restaurant one morning. Ethel
noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, "Mable, did you
know you've got a suppository in your left ear?" Mable answered, "I
have? A suppository?" She pulled it out & stared at it. Then she
said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know
where my hearing aid is."
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When the husband finally died his wife put the usual death notice
in the paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea. No sooner were
the papers delivered when a good friend of the family phoned and
complained bitterly "You know very well that he died of diarrhea,
not gonorrhea. Replied the widow,"I nursed him night and day so
of course I know he died of diarrhea, but I thought it would be
better for posterity to remember him as a great lover rather than
the big shit he always was."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An elderly couple was on a cruise and it was really stormy. They
were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave
came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and
couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the
promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something.
Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the
boat. It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead
at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and
attached to her butt was an oyster and it was a pearl worth
$50,000 .. .please advise" The old man faxed back: "Send me the
pearl and re-bait the trap"
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Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One
night the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She
yells to the other sisters, "Was I gettin in or out of the bath?" The 94
year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up
the stairs and pauses. "Was I going up the stairs or down?" The 92
year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her
sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that
forgetful." She knocks on wood for good measure. She then yells, "I'll come
up
and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
