All I can say is I sure am glad they don't do testiclegrams! Marshall
DByron wrote: > Since its Friday, maybe some humor is in order? > DByron > > *************** > > Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, and even if they > have had them before, there is fear. But there is no need to worry. > > By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam > and doing the following practice exercises, you will be totally prepared > for the test and, best of all, you can do these simple practice > exercises right in your home. > > EXERCISE 1: Open your refrigerator door, and insert one breast > between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends > slam the door shut as hard as possible and lean on the door for good > measure. Hold that position for five seconds. > Repeat in case the first time wasn't effective. > > EXERCISE 2: Visit your garage at 3 a.m. when the temperature of > the cement floor is just perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie > comfortably on the floor sideways with one breast wedged under the > rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your > breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Switch sides, and repeat > for the other breast. > > EXERCISE 3: Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the > waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Have the stranger press > the bookends against either side of one of your breasts and smash the > bookends together as hard as he/she can. Set an appointment with > the stranger to meet next year to do it again. You are now properly > prepared! > > +++++++++++++++ > > The Boob Poem > > For years and years they told me, > Be careful of your breasts. > Don't ever squeeze or bruise them. > And give them monthly tests. > > So I heeded all their warnings, > And protected them by law. > Guarded them very carefully, > And I always wore my bra. > > After 30 years of astute care, > My gyno, Dr. Pruitt, > Said I should get a Mammogram. > "O.K," I said, "let's do it." > > "Stand up here real close" she said, > (She got my boob in line), > "And tell me when it hurts," she said, > "Ah yes! Right there, that's fine." > > She stepped upon a pedal, > I could not believe my eyes! > A plastic plate came slamming down, > My hooter's in a vise! > > My skin was stretched and mangled, > >From underneath my chin. > My poor boob was being squashed, > To Swedish Pancake thin. > > Excruciating pain I felt, > Within it's vise-like grip. > A prisoner in this vicious thing, > My poor defenseless tit! > > "Take a deep breath" she said to me, > Who does she think she's kidding?!? > My chest is mashed in her machine, > And woozy I am getting. > > "There, that's good," I heard her say, > (The room was slowly swaying.) > "Now, let's have a go at the other one." > Have mercy, I was praying. > > It squeezed me from both up and down, > It squeezed me from both sides. > I'll bet SHE'S never had this done, > To HER tender little hide. > > Next time that they make me do this, > I will request a blindfold. > I have no wish to see again, > My knockers getting steamrolled. > > If I had no problem when I came in, > I surely have one now. > If there had been a cyst in there, > It would have gone "ker-pow!" > > This machine was created by a man, > Of this, I have no doubt. > I'd like to stick his balls in there, > And see how THEY come out. > > -- > The Silver List is a moderated forum for discussing Colloidal Silver. > > Instructions for unsubscribing are posted at: http://silverlist.org > > To post, address your message to: [email protected] > Silver List archive: http://escribe.com/health/thesilverlist/index.html > > Address Off-Topic messages to: [email protected] > OT Archive: http://escribe.com/health/silverofftopiclist/index.html > > List maintainer: Mike Devour <[email protected]>
