I also have been following without getting involved since the advice given by others was so excellent I could not improve upon it.
When Faith mentioned a possible connection between sugar and mean behavior, I want to add my thoughts. I had a similar experience with both my girls, the younger being the worst. She did not speak in sentences until age 11, had learning disabilities and attention deficit, conduct disorder. She would run away, do drugs, steal money from my purse, shoplift. When the girls came to live with my second husband and myself, I taught the younger one to read.(age 13). I spent virtually all my time helping her to do her schoolwork which she couldn't have done alone. I called her teachers to find out the homework. If I didn't pick her up from school, she would disappear, to be returned by the police. If I did pick her up, she would have her friends stationed along the path to her last class to call me dirty names. She would call me "Jose" in front of her friends, my husband "Elmo". Every evening, and sometimes into the weekday nights we did the homework together, against her protests. She seemed to have no emotional attachment to the family," and would not be caught dead in the company of "grownups. She would try to upset me in covertly hostile ways, such as hiding items I would need to make breakfast. Her hair was shaved on one half of her head, and she wore ghostly white makeup. This continued throughout highschool with little change except that her grades went from Ds and Fs to Bs and As. I can't underestimate the value of rewards versus punishment. Of course, there should be consequences of bad behavior, but the more we can use rewards, the better the result. When she got her first A, my husband and I shrieked at the top of our lungs in delight, and then called our friends to tell them, making sure our daughter could hear us. From that point on she connected good grades with a positive self image, and continued to get good grades, even being able to sit for days on end alone to study for final exams. At one point I grounded her for a year when I caught her letting her boyfriend into her bedroom during the nights. The lesson I learned there, is whatever we control controls us. If I had not put in this effort (which continued through college, and to some extent in graduate school she would not have become what she is today--compassionate, responsible beautiful girl with graduate degrees. She would be probably dead. I gave ten years of my life to her (still requries a lot at 35), but I would do it again. There was no way to completely prevent her controlling me as long as I was dependent, and ultimately I was and am still dependent, in that I do care that she has a good life. I was able to overcome resentment about having my life controlled by consciously giving my entire life to her, and then any free time or small respite from hassle would be seen as an unexpected gift. In other words, if I expected nothing else, I was not disappointed, and I consciously made the decision to continue helping her. Therefore, it was my choice alone, for reasons that I well understood and valued (so ultimately, that made me in charge instead of my daughter). As I later discovered my own extensive allergies, I realized that much of my daughter's problems were due to allergies, and in fact, looking back I can see that she was borderline autistic. She is now being treated for allergies with NAET. I have seen her change physically and psychologically as she undergoes treatment. The allergens affect the meridian that controls the brain, and that results in the psychological problems. In addition to sugar there are many other possible allergens which could affect the brain. One of the main allergies would be to B vitamins which are vital to nerve function. Jill
