>From the PITTSBURG (USA) GAZETTE: ON CANADA
You live next door to a clean-cut, quiet guy. He never plays loud
music
or throws raucous parties. He doesn't gossip over the fence, just
smiles
politely and offers you some tomatoes. His lawn is cared-for,his
house is neat as a pin and you get the feeling he doesn't always lock
his
front door. He wears Dockers. You hardly know he's there.
And then one day you discover that he has pot in his basement, spends
his
weekends at peace marches and that guy you've seen mowing the yard is
his
spouse.
Allow me to introduce Canada.
The Canadians are so quiet that you may have forgotten they're up
there,
but they've been busy doing some surprising things. It's like
discovering
that the mice you are dimly aware of in your attic have been building
an
espresso machine.
Did you realize, for example, that our reliable little tag-along
brother
never joined the Coalition of the Willing? Canada wasn't willing, as
it
turns out, to join the fun in Iraq. I can only assume American
diner menus weren't angrily changed to include "freedom
bacon,"because
nobody here eats the stuff anyway.
And then there's the wild drug situation: Canadian doctors are
authorized
to dispense medical marijuana. Parliament is considering legislation
that
would not exactly legalize marijuana possession, as you may have
heard,
but would reduce the penalty for possession of under 15 grams to a
fine,
like a speeding ticket. This is to allow law enforcement to
concentrate
resources on traffickers. If your garden is full of wasps, it's
smarter
to go for the nest rather than trying to swat every individual bug.
Now, here's the part that I, as an American, can't understand. These
poor
benighted pinkos are doing everything wrong. They have a drug
problem:
Marijuana offenses have doubled since 1991. And Canada has strict gun
control laws, which means that the criminals must all be heavily
armed, the law-abiding civilians helpless and the government on the
verge
of a massive confiscation campaign. (The laws have been in place
since
the '70s, but I'm sure the government will get around to the
confiscation
eventually.) They don't even have a death penalty! And yet
..nationally,
overall crime in Canada has been declining since 1991. Violent crimes
fell 13 percent in 2002. Of course, there are still crimes committed
with
guns -- brought in from the United States, which has become the major
illegal weapons supplier for all of North America -- but my theory is
that the surge in pot-smoking has rendered most criminals too relaxed
to
commit violent crimes. They're probably more focused on shoplifting
boxes
of Ho-Hos from convenience stores.
And then there's the most reckless move of all: Just last month,
Canada
decided to allow and recognize same-sex marriages. Merciful moose,
what can they be thinking? Will there be married Mounties (they
always
get their man!)?
Dudley Do-Right was sweet on Nell, not Mel! We must be the only ones
who
really care about families. Not enough to make sure they all have
health
insurance, of course, but more than those libertines up north.
This sort of behavior is a clear and present danger to all our
stereotypes about Canada. It's supposed to be a cold, wholesome
country
of polite, beer-drinking hockey players, not founded by freedom-
fighters in a bloody revolution but quietly assembled by loyalists
and
royalists more interested in order and good government than liberty
and
independence.
But if we are the rugged individualists, why do we spend so much of
our
time trying to get everyone to march in lockstep? And if Canadians
are so
reserved and moderate, why are they so aggressive about letting
people do
what they want to?
Canadians are, as a nation, less religious than we are, according to
polls. As a result, Canada's government isn't influenced by
large,well-
organized religious groups and thus has more in common with those of
Scandinavia than those of the United States, or, say, Iran. Canada
signed the Kyoto global warming treaty, lets 19-year-olds drink, has
more
of its population living in urban areas and accepts more immigrants
per
capita than the United States. These are all things we've been told
will
wreck our society.
But I guess Canadians are different, because theirs seems oddly
sound.
Like teenagers, we fiercely idolize individual freedom but really
demand that everyone be the same. But the Canadians seem more adult,
more
secure.
They aren't afraid of foreigners. They aren't afraid of
homosexuality.
Most of all, they're not afraid of each other.
I wonder if America will ever be that cool.
-
Serbian News Network - SNN
[EMAIL PROTECTED]
http://www.antic.org/
