The trouble with posting summat like this is that:--
1) Some will say it's off-topic and not funny.
2) Some will say that it's funny, but that they've seen it.
3) Some will want to add to it with definitions of their own.
These are generally quite good.
I'll risk it.
Regards,
Bill bennett.
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HUNTING AN ELEPHANT
MATHEMATICIANS hunt elephants by going to Africa, throwing
out everything that is not an elephant, and catching one of
whatever is left.
EXPERIENCED MATHEMATICIANS will attempt to prove the existence
of at least one unique elephant before proceeding to step 1
as a subordinate exercise.
PROFESSORS OF MATHEMATICS will prove the existence of at least
one unique elephant and leave the detection and capture of an
actual elephant as an exercise for their graduate students.
COMPUTER SCIENTISTS hunt elephants by exercising Algorithm A:
1. Go to Africa.
2. Start at the Cape of Good Hope.
3. Work northward in an orderly manner, traversing the
continent alternately east and west.
4. During each traverse pass,
a. Catch each animal seen.
b. Compare each animal caught to a known elephant.
c. Stop when a match is detected.
EXPERIENCED COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS modify Algorithm A by placing
a known elephant in Cairo to ensure that the algorithm will
terminate.
ASSEMBLY LANGUAGE PROGRAMMERS prefer to execute Algorithm A
on their hands and knees.
ENGINEERS hunt elephants by going to Africa, catching grey
animals at random, and stopping when any one of them weighs
within plus or minus 15 percent of any previously observed
elephant.
ECONOMISTS don't hunt elephants, but they believe that if
elephants are paid enough, they will hunt themselves.
STATISTICIANS hunt the first animal they see N times and call
it an elephant.
CONSULTANTS don't hunt elephants, and many have never hunted
anything at all, but they can be hired by the hour to advise
those people who do.
OPERATIONS RESEARCH CONSULTANTS can also measure the
correlation of hat size and bullet color to the efficiency of
elephant-hunting strategies, if someone else will only identify
the elephants.
LAWYERS don't hunt elephants, but they do follow the herds
around arguing about who owns the droppings.
SOFTWARE LAWYERS will claim that they own an entire herd based
on the look and feel of one dropping.
SENIOR MANAGERS set broad elephant-hunting policy based on
the assumption that elephants are just like field mice, but
with deeper voices.
QUALITY ASSURANCE INSPECTORS ignore the elephants and look for
mistakes the other hunters made when they were packing the jeep.
SALES PEOPLE don't hunt elephants but spend their time selling
elephants they haven't caught, for delivery two days before
the season opens.
SOFTWARE SALES PEOPLE ship the first thing they catch and
write up an invoice for an elephant.
HARDWARE SALES PEOPLE catch rabbits, paint them grey, and sell
them as desktop elephants.
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