The Pearly Gates
It was getting a little crowded in Heaven,
so God decided to change the admittance policy.
The new law was that, in order to get into
Heaven, you had to have a really bad day on
the day that you died. The policy would go
into effect at noon the next day.
So, the next day at 12:01, the first person
came to the gates of Heaven.
The Angel on duty at the gate that day,
remembering the new policy, promptly
asked the man, "Before I let you in,
I need to know how your day was going
when you died."
"No problem," the man said, "I
came home
to my 25th floor apartment on my lunch
hour and caught my wife having an affair."
But her lover was nowhere in sight.
I immediately began searching for him.
My wife was half naked and yelling at me
as I searched the entire apartment. Just
as I was about to give up, I happened to
glance out onto the balcony and noticed
that there was a man hanging off the edge
by his fingertips!
Well, I ran out onto the balcony and
stomped on his fingers until he fell to
the ground. But wouldn't you know it,
he landed in some trees and bushes that
broke his fall and he didn't die."
"This ticked me off even more. In a
rage,
I went back inside to get the first thing
I could get my hands on to throw at him.
Oddly, enough, the first thing I thought
of was the refrigerator. I unplugged it,
pushed it out onto the balcony, and
tipped it over the side. It plummeted 25
stories and crushed him! The excitement
of the moment was so great that I had a
heart attack and died almost instantly."
The Angel sat back and thought a moment.
Technically, the guy did have a bad day.
It was a crime of passion. So, the Angel
announces, "OK, sir - Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven."
A few seconds later the next guy came up.
To the Angel's surprise, it was James Carville.
"Mr Carville, before I can let you in, I need
to hear about what your day was like when you died."
Carville said, "No problem. But you're
not
going to believe this. I was on the balcony of
my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises.
I had been under a lot of pressure so I was
really pushing hard to relieve my stress,
I guess I got a little carried away, slipped,
and accidentally fell over the side! Luckily,
I was able to catch myself by the finger tips
on the balcony below mine." "But, all of a
sudden this crazy man comes running out of
his apartment, starts cussing, and stomps
on my fingers.
Well, of course I fell. I hit some trees
and bushes at the bottom which broke my
fall so I didn't die right away. As I'm laying
there face up on the ground, unable to move
and in excruciating pain, I see this guy push
his refrigerator, of all things, off the balcony.
It falls the 25 floors and lands on top of
me, killing me instantly."
The Angel is quietly laughing to himself! as
Carville finishes his story. "I could get
used to this new policy," he thinks to himself.
"Very well," the Angel announces. "Welcome
to the Kingdom of Heaven."
A few seconds later, ex-President Clinton
comes up to the gate. The Angel is almost
too shocked to speak. Thoughts of assassination
and war pour through the Angel's head.
Finally he says, "Mr. President, please tell
me what it was like the day you died."
Clinton says, "OK, picture this--I'm
naked inside a refrigerator...
Charles Mims
http://www.the-sandbox.org
