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Essays: Her
face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently
compressed by a Thigh Master. His
thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in
a dryer without Cling Free. She
grew on him like she was a colony of E.coli and he was room-temperature
Canadian beef. She
had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it
throws up. Her
vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. He
was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree. The
revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his
wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly
surcharge-free ATM. McBride
fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable
soup. Her
hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze. The
hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot
grease. They
lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled
Nancy Kerrigan's teeth. He
feel for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River. Even
in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had
been left out so long, it had rusted shut. Shots
rang out, as shots are want to do. The
plan was simple, like my brother-in-law, Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just
might work. "Oh,
Bruce, take me!"she panted, her breasts heaving like a college freshman on
a $1-a-beer night. He
was a lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck
that was actually lame . . . maybe from stepping on a land mind or something. The
ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her,
like a dog at a fire hydrant. He
was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a
garbage truck backing up. She
was as easy as the TV Guide crossword. She
walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs. Her
voice had that tense, grating quality, like a generation thermal paper fax
machine that needed a band tightened. It hurt
the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall. |
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