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Charles Mims's Personal Humorscope
for Sunday, October 5, 2003
Never refuse to do a kindness unless the act would work great injury to
yourself, and never refuse to take a drink- under any circumstances. --
Mark Twain |
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
You'll have a freakish number of plumbing difficulties,
today. This is due in part to the age of your plumbing fixtures, but
mostly it's because Neckna, Queen of the Undines, has taken a
strong dislike towards you, due to some rather harsh words you've had
to say about the weather lately.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Beware of celery.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
While attending a s�ance "just for fun", you will be
possessed by the spirit of Rasputin. Surprisingly, it will be a good
career move.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Dispite having a brilliant mind and a lot of terrific
friends, you find yourself stagnating in a quiet backwater, with
financial success nowhere in sight. You will go into business for
yourself, however, making frozen Piroshki based on your grandmother's
recipe, and will become rich and famous. Your grandmother will thwap
you with her umbrella.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Today is not a good day to be yourself. In fact,
that might even be dangerous. Be someone else, until further notice.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Today the universe will stop expanding, and start
contracting. You will be the only one who notices. Also, you will
develop a strange desire to wear golf shoes.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Good day to bring an asparagus sandwich and a nice thermos
of Cream-of-Meatloaf Soup for lunch.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
You've been trying to sell your car, and it just isn't
going anywhere. Sometimes it helps if you have a name for your
vehicle, to give it more character. I call mine the "Millenium
Falcon." My passengers often become irritated at being called
"Chewie", though.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Time to start looking for a new car. Try to find one with
more personality, this time! (And less of a sense of humor.)
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Time heals all wounds, yes. But that's not really intended
to mean that you should tie Time magazine around your sprained ankle.
It's a figure of speech, you see, not meant to be taken literally. I
have heard, however, that Newsweek is good for gout.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
You will discover that you can see people's auras today,
if you squint. That should be done in moderation, however, as many
people object to being squinted at.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
You've been finding that the best-laid plans of mice and
men often go astray. Or is that awry? Awiggly? It's something along
those lines. Anyway, the thing to do is to fire your mice.
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