October 10, 2003
NOTE FROM CHRIS:
I'm currently at a conference in Texas and did
not have time to get a list together for today.
Consequently, I'm having to send you this classic
ClubTop5 list -- but I promise to make it up to you
with a bonus Certified Filthy! list next week.
In the meantime, don't forget about the chat list we've
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Originally published on September 29, 1999
The Top 14 Worst Things About Autumn
14> Cold mornings followed by hot afternoons leave your nipples
exhausted.
13> Too cold to have the AC running all the time and still too
warm to keep those bodies in the crawl space from going ripe.
12> Death. Death surrounds us, infuses the air with its foul
presence, sucks life from once-breathing limbs, colors the sky
a putrefying grey. Also, ski accessories get marked WAY up.
11> Confused young men have no idea where to turn their fancy.
10> Dennis Rodman's hair turns from yellow to red.
9> Martha Stewart's recipes always seem to feature phallic-shaped
squash, sliced.
8> Annoying shrieks of the leaves as they hurtle toward the
ground -- or am *I* the only one who hears these?
7> Terry Bradshaw starts talking, and doesn't stop until late
January.
6> Chicago Cubs already mathematically eliminated from *next*
year's baseball playoffs.
5> Getting a bit chilly for the old raincoat trick.
4> Classic rock radio's moronic "Zeptember" gives way to even
more idiotic "Rocktober."
3> Like the autumn leaves, that pair of underwear you've been
wearing every day this summer begins to change to golden
browns and yellows.
2> End of the summer state fair season means members of
The Marshall Tucker Band once again begin roaming the
neighborhood looking for grub.
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Worst Thing About Autumn...
1> Exploding fragmentation pumpkins (Montana only).
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
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