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Charles Mims's Personal Humorscope
for Tuesday, October 21, 2003
"Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that man can
never learn anything from history." -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
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Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Beware of iguanas, today.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Beware of partaking in Zoroastrian rituals, today.
Particularly if you're not entirely certain what's involved.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Unaccountably, everything you eat will remind you of wild
hickory nuts. This is the first sign of Gibbon's Syndrome, and
you should seek immediate medical attention. You don't want to end up
getting arrested for eating your neighbor's shrubbery...
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
You will take a wrong turn, today, and become hopelessly
lost. Eventually you will start a new life in Minnesota, along with
all the other people who have little sense of direction. It'll be ok,
providing you like tuna casserole.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Don't worry about your hair. It's your breath that makes
people look at you like that.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Today you will have a sudden, somewhat irrational desire
to drive to Camden, New Jersey, and visit the Soup Tureen Museum.
Fortunately, you will restrain yourself.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
This might be a good time to consider night school. That's
night, not knight. Unless you enjoy clanking around in armor, of
course. Some people do.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
A small packet containing 7 oddly-colored bean seeds will
arrive in the mail today. There will be no return address, nor any
indication of what they are. Only one way to find out...
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Tiddly wink day. Make it count.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Oddly, despite the impression you gained from a television
commercial, your new soap will not inspire unusual levels of grinning
in the shower.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
You will inherit millions, along with a rather elderly
butler named Hodgson. You'll have a nice time.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Have you ever considered adopting a new life as a
"mountain-person"? Living in the vast mountains and forests of Alaska,
hewing an existence from the unforgiving wild Nature of our ancestors?
Nope, me neither. |
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