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Charles Mims's Personal Humorscope
for Monday, November 3, 2003
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
Groucho Marx |
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Your manager will be a twit, today. That's ok, though --
it's what he's paid for.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Today you will get one of those pimples that just suddenly
appears, and you will only notice it when you glance in the mirror
after a very important meeting.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
While channel-surfing by remote control, you will
accidentally happen upon a secret US government channel, and will
overhear people in the Pentagon talking about their success with
several operatives code-named after various amphibious creatures. A
sudden horrible realization will strike you. Either that, or you'll
get jam on your shirt.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Good day to hide an iguana in someone's satchel. They will
not be expecting that, so everyone will get a good chuckle out of it.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
You know that how you dress will invevitably send a
message to those around you. In this case, your message is "Help!
Help!"
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You will accidentally step on someone's foot, and they
will say "Ow!." That's when I usually say "No pain, no gain."
Sometimes people don't like me. I've never figured out why.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Do not snitch a jelly donut today, when nobody is looking.
The chocolate frosted one is much better.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
A careless delivery person will drop an entire case of
pills when you are in a pharmacy, today. Did you know that
nitroglycerin is still used, sometimes, in the treatment of heart
disease?
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Excellent day to get involved in one or more conspiracies.
If you can hold secret meetings in darkened rooms, so much the better!
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
A creature from the 7th dimension will become attached to
your leg, and will be impossible to remove. Eventually, you'll simply
get used to it.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
The world will be dim and grey, and cold. Carrion crows
will caw at you from the edges of the world, and deep cold water will
rush by in rivers without names. Ahead, on the peak of a mountain, is
a glimmering golden light. Either that, or you'll get gum stuck to
your shoe. (Sometimes these things are hard to read.)
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
What ever you do today, don't panic. Remember to bring a
towel. Government bureaucracy figures heavily in your life, soon.
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