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Charles Mims's Personal Humorscope
for Tuesday, November 4, 2003
"Never put off until tomorrow what you can put off indefinitely."
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Aries (March 21 - April 19)
The mountain will be happy to come to Mohammed, but
Mohammed should be prepared for a brief (in geologic terms) delay.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
You will quit your job, run away from home, and spend the
rest of your days working on a shrimp trawler, under an assumed name.
Personally, I think that's over-reacting.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
A swarm of rats will sneak up on you, and you will be
suddenly engulfed in a squeaking, biting, torrent of rabid vermin.
Oops! No, ha ha, looks like I forgot about the influence of
Venus, didn't I? Sorry. Hmmm. Ok...actually, today you will have
pizza.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Excellent day to go half-barefoot. (One shoe only.) Answer
no questions about it, though. Just say "I prefer not to talk about
it."
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Try being entirely honest for a week. That's a fine way to
develop a clear conscience. Personally, I prefer my method, though --
a poor memory.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Today you will be suddenly struck by what a genius
Norman Rockwell was, and how unappreciated (in the major art circles)
he remains. You will vow to do something about it.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Good day to do a self-portrait. Or, if you're in a hurry,
you can do what I do, and just spray paint all over yourself and run
into a large canvas. Art is easier than you think!
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Remember: loose lips sink ships. The really strange thing
is, nobody's ever been able to explain to me why ships have lips in
the first place, especially if they're that risky.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
You will find a renewed interest in home repair or
remodelling soon. Oddly, that will occur shortly after a visit by your
nephew.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
You will discover a secret about the Spice Girls - most of
them can't tell Cumin from Coriander. In fact, some of them are vague
about whether Black and Red Pepper come from different types of
plants. You will quite sensibly decide to avoid going to their place
for dinner.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Today you will flip a coin 4 times, and it will come up
"heads", "tails", "heads", "heads." Then someone will come up and say
"hey, whatcha doing?" Then the phone will ring. Just a coincidence,
though, in this case.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
You will get a notion to become a street food-vendor, and
will make yourself a food serving cart for the "Bulghur Baron." You
will sell pint containers of hot bulghur wheat, cooked with sauteed
onions, garlic, and other vegetables. To everyone's amazement, you'll
succeed fabulously, eventually making millions off the franchise
rights alone. |
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