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Charles Mims's Personal Humorscope
for Thursday, November 6, 2003
It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
Alfred Adler |
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Good day to learn ventriloquism. Lesson 1: making squishy
sounds when people walk by, in time with their footsteps.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Beware of lightning, today! Either stay indoors, or leave
your aluminum foil hat behind. (I know, I know. It's hard. But I've
learned to live without mine, most of the time.)
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Everyone who drives by today will stick their head out
their car window, give you a big dopey look, and flop their tongue
around in the wind. If you had known this was "act like a dog" day,
you might have been better prepared.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
You've always felt, like Socrates, that the unexamined
life is not worth living. There's no need to use a microscope,
however.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
This will be a very musical day for you, today. Next time,
try to remember the Beano(tm)?
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You will be offered a chance to go on a journey soon. It
sounds like fun, but you might benefit by looking up La Isla
Zancudo in a Spanish-English dictionary before you pack your
bags...
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Good day to bring your entrenching tool with you. You
never know...
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Unknown to you, people think you are a wimp - just because
of your weak handshake. You need to get one of those hand exercisers,
and use it constantly for a few months. Then, crush their little hands
into pulp!
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
In a stroke of pure marketing genious, you will start a
company to sell fresh-roasted peanut butter door-to-door. Your sales
people may find the peanut costumes a bit uncomfortable, at first,
however.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Good day to get a potted plant for your office, which you
should name "Throckmorton." (The plant, not the office. Obviously,
"Throckmorton" is a completely inappropriate name for an office.
"Wiggins" is a good name for your office, if it doesn't already have a
name.)
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
You will come across a matchbook that will change your
life. Inside the cover it will say "You too can be a criminal
mastermind!"
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
This is a good time to knock on wood. As you know, that's
a way of thanking the leprechauns for your recent good fortune. Or if
you can find some formica, knock on that - that thanks the mutant
sludge creature who is hiding under the stairs. It all depends who you
want on your side, I guess.
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