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Charles Mims's Personal Humorscope
for Saturday, November 8, 2003
"Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the
public and have no self." -- Cyril Connolly |
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
You will invent a new type of lingerie, and will make
millions. The stripes are the key to your success. You will call it
"Ze Bra."
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Someone will drone on and on, today. Try using psychic
powers to make their underwear ride up. Even if it doesn't work, your
look of intense concentration may make them self-conscious.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
You will have a hunch, today. Perhaps you should try a
firmer mattress?
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Hmm. Hard to read this one. The carrot stopped right
between "catches horrible disfiguring disease" and "loses everything
in major earthquake." I guess you can pick whichever one you want, in
this case.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
You will finally begin your novel! This is very good,
since if you'd decided to write a screen play, you would have had to
move to California and drive a taxi.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You will join the ranks of the hipster
cognoscienti. It'll be fun at first, but later you'll start
secretly craving casseroles, and it will eventually become such an
intolerable pressure that you'll abandon your pale, pierced friends
with the clever haircuts and move to Minnesota.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Old Neil Diamond songs will circle endlessly in your mind
today. I recommend screaming and pounding your head on the table.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Everyone will stare at you like deer in headlights this
week at the office. Actually, you will later decide that driving your
car around inside the office may not be your best-ever idea.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
This week, you'll discover a trick to make those meetings
seem more interesting. Imagine that everyone else has a ferret
clinging to their head.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Good day to put strange labels on your binders and file
cabinets, such as "launch codes", "who's been naughty", or "Snerge."
This will be quite effective in distracting visitors, so they will
often forget what ever they were preparing to bother you about.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
If a wolf is chasing your sleigh, throw him a raisin
cookie. That, of course, is a metaphor for what will really happen.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Good time to get your finances in order. Luckily, in your
case that simply means putting the one dollar bills in front of the
fives, in your wallet. |
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