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Charles Mims's Personal Humorscope
for Saturday, November 22, 2003
Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they're best in the
long run.
In a Tokyo shop |
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Today will be one of those days when everything reminds
you of wild hickory nuts. Tomorrow: everything reminds you of peach
yogurt.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Sometimes you need to take one step back to make two steps
forward. In this case, you'll need to go considerably further back.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Someone will tell you today "Boy, what a girl goes through
to send her brother through proctology school." Despite being
forwarned, you won't have anything to say.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Don't worry -- that fortune cookie was wrong.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
A person of Irish descent will attempt to sell you
something you don't especially want, today. Strive to turn the
conversation to Tilapia (a type of freshwater fish) -- you'll
find it's his new hobby.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You will finally come to understand what Mies Van der Rohe
was talking about when he said "Less is more." He was talking about
his brother, Lester Van der Rohe, and was referring to a small
weight-gain problem.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Everyone's talking about Nostradamus these days, but
nobody ever remembers his first name. Except you. People may think
it's pretentious of you to talk about "Bob Nostradamus", but who
cares? They'll all die when the comet hits, anyway.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
You will meet a tough challenge in a very resourceful way,
today, using only a Swiss Army Knife, a transistor radio, and oven
cleaner.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Beware of giant squids today. Other than that, a good day
for a nice walk along the beach.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Today you will find a small speckled egg, shimmering a
little, in the fireplace. If you keep it warm in a 350 degree oven for
3 weeks, it will hatch into a small dragon, and then eat you.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
You will discover an odd amulet in an old curio shop,
which is made entirely of holmium and yttrium, and which strongly
interferes with the normal functioning of electronics. Best not to
play with things like that.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Everyone you know will wear unmatched socks, today.
Actually, it's stranger than you think -- they'll all members of a
pagan cult, and this is Sock Swap Day.
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