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Charles Mims's Personal Humorscope
for Saturday, November 29, 2003
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to
make it shorter.
Blaise Pascal |
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
A good time to learn to laugh at yourself. Or, develop
multiple personalities! That way you won't be laughing at you,
you'll be laughing with you.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Today you will break all the resolutions you made
yesterday, and you will grin.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Big career move today! Oddly, your decision will be
somehow related to a pamphlet called "Goat Herding Made Easy."
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
You are sad about an upcoming event, but can do nothing
about it. Try knitting -- people say it's wonderfully relaxing.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Another excellent day to whittle.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
People will begin complimenting you on how clean you are.
You will find this strangely irritating.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
A man with a large nose will attack you with a sword
today, while composing free verse in archaic French. Luckily, he'll
get stuck trying to come up with a word that rhymes with "l'orange",
and you'll have time to slip out the back way.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Good day to snitch cookies when nobody's looking.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Bad hair day today. In fact, it's quite likely that your
hair will actually be arrested.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
You will be followed by an evil-looking man in an old
green Ford pickup truck. Surprisingly, it will turn out that following
people is just his hobby, and you have nothing to worry about.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Squid day, again. Try to make the most of it. Perhaps you
could go around with a bucket of squid, and give one to each of your
neighbors? Chances are you don't know them as well as you should, and
this will make sure nobody feels guilty about that in the future.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
This might be a good time to recontextualize your
imponderables. If you know what I mean.
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