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Charles Mims's Personal Humorscope
for Sunday, November 30, 2003
"I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I
would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet
place and kill him." -- Mark Twain (1835-1910) |
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
You will walk into a door frame today, and people will
smirk. Remember though, they're smirking with you, not
at you.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Today you will become a digger. Dig, dig, dig. That's all
you'll think of, for months. You will discover an amazingly large
diamond, about 27 feet down, and will be fabulously rich after that.
Not that you'll give me any credit, of course. Ingrate!
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Oh go ahead. You know you want to. Besides, nobody is
watching.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Your car is possessed again, so you should swing by the
exorcist on the way to work. I always hate it when mine is
repossessed...
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Soon you will find yourself at another dull party, where
the only person you know is who you came with. You'll need to use Tip
#39 of my book "101 Ways To Break The Ice": Ask someone who they are,
after introducing yourself. When they say their name, repeat it back
to them as "YOU'RE Bill Smith???" "Uh, yes" "Well, you sure can't
believe everything you hear, can you?" "What do you mean?" "Well, it's
just that you don't look at ALL like a weasel, you know? Or at least,
hardly at all."
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Today you will discover a troupe of gypsies hiding in your
bathroom. They will leave when you ask them to, but you should expect
a fair amount of grumbling.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Today you must seek out the perfect noodle. Also,
according to a recently reversed decision by Miss Manners, it's now
perfectly ok to slurp noodles. (Or so I've been told.)
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Not an especially good day to do anything involving
contact cement. At least not if you have plans to go anywhere.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
As a joke, you should put an 8-foot-tall mucous-covered
"egg" in your friend's basement. Then, when he or she goes down to do
a load of laundry...
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
You are at a turning point in your life. Turn left.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Someone will ask you for your advice. Don't give it! Or if
they insist, simply shake your head solemnly, and mutter "Much bad
juju", and refuse to clarify. They only want a scapegoat.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
You will pass a sign that says "invorp" today.
Fortunately, you will remember enough Dutch to know that it means "put
your fingers in your ears and wiggle them." They are a silly people,
the Dutch. |
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