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Charles Mims's Personal Humorscope
for Monday, December 1, 2003
Honest officer, the dwarf was on fire when I got here.
Black Dragon |
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Today you will wear way too much cologne and make
strange unconscious lip-smacking sounds. You've been watching Comedy
Night on The Subliminal Channel again, haven't you?
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
You'll become best pals with a large invisible rabbit,
today. Well, actually he's a "puka", which is a type of Celtic spirit,
but he'll look like a large invisible rabbit.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
During a walk in the woods, you will spot Mick Jagger. He
will be gathering moss. You will find that strangely disturbing.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
You will become embroiled in yet another argument about
crustaceans today. You will easily trounce your opponent, who will
leave in a huff. He's just being crabby, if you ask me.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Confucious said "Choose a job you love, and you'll never
work a day in your life." Confucious was a Harvard man, you know, with
a huge trust fund. He certainly never "worked" a day, himself. I
wouldn't take what he said too literally, in your case.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You'll become part of the Formal Attire Resurgence
movement. Be wary of the Casualist Party though - there's someone out
there just dying to spit on your spats.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Time to do something about that high blood pressure. Have
you tried leeches?
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Today you will find that you can make an incredibly silly
sound, and will spend the entire day making it, and then laughing.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Lately you feel blessed with great abundance, as though
your cup runneth over. Basically, you just need a bigger cup.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Today you will realize that it seems quite impossible to
make any sense out of life, especially when you consider what life
must be like in Nebraska.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
A person named "Elmo" will call you repeatedly, and will
refuse to believe that he's dialed a wrong number.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Nobody knows the trouble you've seen. Let's just hope you
can somehow keep it that way!
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