December 2, 2003
NOTE FROM CHRIS:
Today's list was compiled from submissions sent in
by you, our lovely and talented ClubTop5 members.
The Top 20 Things Overheard During
Jessica Simpson's Thanksgiving Holiday
20> "Why do we celebrate Turkey day, anyway? Isn't that a
country in France or something?"
19> "So how did the pilgrims know to pick a day when everyone
would be home from work?"
18> "Nick, you're so smart! You saved money by getting a FREE
range turkey!"
17> "Put down the carving knife! Jessica has her head stuck
in the turkey again!"
16> "... all breasts and thighs, and where the head should
be there's nothing but stuffing! But hey, enough about
Jessica -- where's the turkey?"
15> "We're having a huge ball of butter for dinner? How totally
gross!"
14> "How can could the Indians eat so much food and stay skinny
like that Gandhi guy?"
13> "We shouldn't eat turkeys! They should remain free to roam
the plains of Africa with the kangaroos, the dinosaurs and
the noble capybara!"
12> "In honor of our Native American friends, burritos
for everyone!"
11> "Mom, Nick wants me to cook. Does the Yellow Pages have a
section for 'people who cook Thanksgiving dinner for
celebrities'?"
10> "Nick, I give up. I've hunted all morning and haven't found
a single egg."
9> "I saw Spider-Man in the Macy's parade. You wouldn't believe
how much weight Tobey Maguire has gained since the movie!
He's huge!!"
8> "I didn't know turkey guts were made out of bread!"
7> "White meat or dark meat? Hey... it's *all* turkey meat!
You can't trick me again!"
6> "Damn. I was really hoping Thanksgiving was on Friday
this year."
5> "Stuff the turkey? I didn't have to -- it wasn't empty. Duh!"
4> "I'm not sure if I did the turkey right. The recipe said to
rub olive oil all over the breast, but all that did was make
my bra sticky."
3> "It's a melted Snickers bar. I made *candied* yams this year."
2> "Hey, look! If you open *both* ends of the cranberry sauce
can, two people can eat it at the same time!"
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Thing Overheard
During Jessica Simpson's Thanksgiving Holiday...
1> "You want me to do WHAT with the gerblets?"
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[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
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