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December 10, 2003
The Top 15 Signs Santa's Elves
Are Suffering From Career Burn-Out
(Part I)
15> Five minutes into the Christmas Eve flight, it becomes
apparent someone Ex-Laxed the reindeer's feed.
14> More and more break room discussions about joining the
military -- especially after Legolas' e-mail detailing
the primo tail that the boys in archery are scoring.
13> Too many elves are spending their lunch hour huddled around
the bong-assembly line.
12> The wheels on the latest batch of toy trucks look suspiciously
like last year's leftover Barbie heads.
11> Children start receiving gifts like "Chainsaw Massacre Legos,"
"Transgendered Raggedy Ann/dy" and "Melted Mass of Crayons."
10> Them ain't Lincoln Logs on the conveyor belt.
9> After just one hour, a shaken Tony Robbins emerges from his
North Pole "Unleash the Power Within" seminar, quietly
gives Santa a refund, then wishes him luck and leaves.
8> They're *all* scheduled to appear on Dr. Phil December 26th.
7> Toy rifle production had to be out-sourced to a South Korean
ClausCo subsidiary after a rash of devastating workplace
corking rampages.
6> Frequent nooners in the reindeer stalls.
5> No longer enthusiastically participating in Hawaiian Shirt
Fridays.
4> Let's just say that Santa's gonna be looking for a new ride
when he finds out the truth about the venison stew for this
year's holiday party.
3> The toy trains? Nothing but salami and duct tape.
2> This year's hot new toy: the Amazing, Incredible Rough-Hewn
Block of Wood!
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Sign Santa's Elves
Are Suffering From Career Burn-Out...
1> "Hello? FBI? I have information about that grandma who got
run over."
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
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