December 15, 2003
The Top 15 Signs You're Not Getting a Bonus This Year
15> You've been assigned to bake five dozen Ebenezer Scrooge
cookies for the annual holiday party.
14> Your last pickup basketball game with the guys from the office
was played "shirts and no-bonuses."
13> Your CEO delivers his annual holiday message via satellite
from the Cayman Islands and ends with "So long, suckers!"
12> Heck, your last *paycheck* was scratched out on a lump of coal.
11> You just buzzed the cops through the front gate at Neverland
without checking their badges.
10> Every time you walk past the boss' office, he throws another
stapler at you.
9> Your boss flew halfway around the world to meet you for
Thanksgiving -- then gave you a fake turkey.
8> Your latest job task: Pilfer office supplies from unsuspecting
post offices and copy shops.
7> There won't be anything left for a bonus after they pay off
those secretaries you groped.
6> Let's just say that this gig as pyrotechnics engineer for
Great White hasn't been the career move you envisioned.
5> Holiday party "buffet" nothing but abandoned lunches from
the break room fridge.
4> Your shoe company already gave all its excess cash to LeBron.
3> Your new cubicle doubles as a men's room stall.
2> Bonus, schmonus -- in the grand scheme of things, having your
boss walk in while you were banging his wife is reward enough.
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Sign
You're Not Getting a Bonus This Year..
1> Your cash bonus was confiscated when the U.S. Army captured
your boss in a farmhouse outside of Tikrit.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
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