December 17, 2003
The Top 18 Things on Saddam Hussein's To-Do List
18> Announce that I'm finally ready to comply with those pesky
U.N. resolutions.
17> Inform minister of information that yes, the United States
has indeed captured the Baghdad airport.
16> Add "2003 World Hide 'n' Seek Silver Medal Winner" to resume.
15> Find out if Hallmark makes a "Sorry I Tortured and Slaughtered
the Nation!" card.
14> Call the Hell Hilton and book the Pol Pot suite.
13> Offer to dedicate my life to helping O.J. find the real
killers if they let me free.
12> Start working on a shiv of mass destruction.
11> Trade all-nude version of Iraqi card deck for some smokes.
10> Stage food fight in cafeteria to distract guards, then walk
out via front door.
9> Eat map showing location of my secret cache of victory-parade
balloons.
8> Call Osama: Cancel "Trading Spaces" offer.
7> Aha, Mr. Rubik, your cursed cube may have beaten me these past
six months -- but now that I have ample time to focus on this
task, the advantage is clearly mine!
6> Award Halliburton a no-bid contract to shave my beard.
5> Practice saying with a wacky accent: "Who sane! Who sane?
Not me, baby!"
4> Create a statue of myself out of soap.
3> "Dear Forum: I never thought I'd be writing to you, but
when the cover to my hiding place opened, I found myself
staring into the most gorgeous blue eyes in camouflage
I've ever seen...."
2> Luxuriate in the cleanliness and roominess of my new prison
cell.
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Thing on Saddam Hussein's To-Do List...
1> Ask Bush family if they want to go best two out of three.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
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