Puns
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the
craft it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat
it, too.
Two boll weevils grew up in South
Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The
other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second
one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
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A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar
and announces, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his hometown
for the holidays. After looking over the menu he says, "I'll just have the
eggs Benedict." His order comes a while later and it's served on a big,
shiny hubcap. He asks the waiter, "What's with the hubcap?" The
waiter sings, "Oh, there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!"
When she told me I was average, she was just being mean.
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain during root
canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the
lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the
manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?"
they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't
stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri
on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the
drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m. One afternoon, as the end of the workday
approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut
extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts
and set it on the bar. The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of
the drink and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!" "No,
I'm sorry," replied the bartender, "it's a hickory daiquiri,
Doc."
A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He
came across two men. One was sitting under a tree reading a book; the other was
typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the
book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest,
and writer's cramp.
A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family
in Egypt
and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they
name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his
mom. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also
had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are twins - if
you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal!"
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