Moron For
Hire
Here are actual excerpts from real resumes and cover
letters...
And these people think they can get a job?
I demand a
salary commiserate with my extensive experience.
I have lurnt Word
Perfect 6.0 computor and spreasheet progroms.
Received a plague for
Salesperson of the Year.
Wholly responsible for two(2) failed financial
institutions.
Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave
Failed
bar exam with relatively high grades.
It's best for employers that I not
work with people.
Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my
experience.
You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.
Am a
perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.
I was working for my
mom until she decided to move.
Marital status: single: Unmarried.
Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments
I have an excellent track record,
although I am not a horse.
I am loyal to my employer at all costs...
Please feel free to respond to
my resume on my office voice mail.
I
have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and
absolutely
nothing.
My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no
training in
meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.
I
procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.
Personal
interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.
As indicted, I have
over five years of analyzing investments.
Instrumental in ruining entire
operation for a Midwest chain store.
Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14
jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never
quit a job.
Marital status: often.
Children: various
Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all
employees get to work
by 8:45 am every morning. I couldn't work under those
conditions.
The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous
employers.
Finished eighth in my class of ten.
References: none.
I've left a path of destruction behind
me.
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