Title: The Daily Humorscope
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Charles Mims's Personal Humorscope
for Thursday, January 8, 2004
"A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is
shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain." -- Mark Twain
(1835-1910) |
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
That idea you've had rolling around in the back of your
mind is about ready to go. If you leave it there much longer, it will
start to decay - and there's nothing worse than a stinky mind.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
You will be attacked and beaten by a group of Nuns. When a
baffled pair of mounted urban police drag them off you, they will
refuse to say why they were attacking you, and will sulk.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
The bad news is, you're competing for that new job with a
Hindu goddess. The good news is, if you think YOU have trouble
figuring out what to do with your hands during an interview...
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
A rare form of management disease will strike you today,
where you can only speak in metaphors. Still, you'll open the kimono
and hit the ground running.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Time to commit some random acts of kindness. I have
developed an algorithm for this. The next time someone asks you for a
quarter (or any small coin), take one out of your pocket, and toss it
in the air. Heads, give it to them. Tails, put it back in your pocket,
and tell them you haven't got any. Or whatever - remember, the
important thing is to be RANDOM.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Excellent day for light conversation. Good starting points
might be "Have you ever thought much about death?" or "Where's the
strangest place you ever had sex?."
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
You will be traumatized by an episode with a stapler,
today. You will be unable to even look at a stapler for several
weeks, without trembling.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Too much "musk" in that cologne - don't try it. Or if you
do, bring along a few carrots for the moose.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
You may lose sight of what is truly important to you, if
you're not careful. In other words, it not whether you win or lose,
it's whether you end up with your leg in a cast for 3 months.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Try to think of life as a game, today. For fun, make up
new rules.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
You will receive a "Dear John" letter from a loved one
today, but much to your relief, your name isn't "John."
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Stay well clear of anti-tachyon beams, today.
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