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Later, looking around at the room full of women eagerly sucking on condom-covered dildos, all I could think was, "Wow, men are so lucky."
Somehow, I just can't imagine a bunch of guys in a room practicing cunnilingus on rubber vaginas in an effort to improve their technique.
But there we were, 32 of us, diligently sucking away, hoping to learn how to give a better blowjob. Our teacher, sex educator Lily Fine (www.lily-fine.com), was like an aerobics instructor at the front of the room: "Okay, circle that tongue around the tip... and one, and two... now reverse, and circle the other way."
I know what you're thinking. "What's to learn?" you ask. "Guys are easy to please - a few licks, some sucking, and he's pretty much on his way."
Fine, however, doesn't teach her Giving Head and Hand Job workshops solely to please men (though many partners of the women who take her workshop have called the next day to thank her). Instead, the workshops are designed to give women sexual confidence.
"I want women to walk away from this workshop thinking, 'I am soooo scorching,'" she tells us.
They'll also walk away with practical solutions for common blowjob hazards such as gagging, jaw strain and boredom. Admit it, gals, we've all had a moment or two where we end up compiling a grocery list or planned tomorrow's outfit while wishing he would just come already, have we not?
Unfortunately, it's not like we can rely on the boys to give us any ideas on how to make it more interesting. "Some guys are so quiet, you're tempted to check for a pulse," jokes Fine. And "that was great" is nice but not very helpful. Women are detail-oriented. We need specifics.
If you're a gagger, offers Fine, use your hand around the base of his penis to control how much goes in your mouth. If he wants deep-throat action, tell him your mouth isn't your vagina, and you can't fit it all in. And if he's one of those charmers who tries to force it by shoving your head into his lap, simply remind him that you have one of his most valued body parts in your mouth.
And, yes, boredom can indeed set in if you're always sticking to the same routine. Just don't sacrifice comfort for experimentation.
"You want to be able to move around easily without needing to see a chiropractor the next day," she says. To avoid back strain, Fine suggests that rather than kneeling over him, get him to stand while you sit in a chair. That way you can relax, watch TV...
And instead of just taking his dick in your mouth and sucking madly, advises Fine, try using suction around the glans (the head of the penis) and coronal ridge (the ridge that runs around the bottom of the head). It's less tiring than attempting to suck his whole penis and a whole lot more comfortable for you and your jaw. Besides, it's a big turn-on for him. As is licking the frenulum, which is right at the base the head. Try a little warm breathing on his penis or place it against your neck and purr for some good vibrations. Tease him by taking him in inch-by-inch and when his penis leaves your mouth, give it a parting kiss.
As for "the boys," playing ball varies from guy to guy. "For some guys, a simple wave hello might be enough, while some guys like having their balls held," says Fine. "Other guys like their balls squeezed or tugged."
Try putting some lube in your hand and sliding it over his balls while sucking on his penis, she suggests. If he likes a little more ball action, try "tea bagging," that is, gently sucking each ball into your mouth. You might even try GENTLY running your teeth over them.
As for getting his bum in on the action, well, that's your call. Some women are simply not comfy going there, no matter how many showers he's had. If this is the case, but he'd like a little rimming action (obviously, not all men are comfy going there either), try using a dental dam, suggests Fine. In fact, you can place a dental dam right over his balls and bum and go nuts without any actual tongue-to-skin contact.
Once you've got him well on his way to orgasm, establish a rhythm and maintain it. You know how when he's going down on you and you're about to come and the big goof shifts, like, one millimetre to the left and totally blows it? Same deal.
And, yes, men like it when you swallow. "It shows you love and accept him," says Fine. Of course, you might not want to swallow if there's a risk of STIs or HIV, or if it makes you gag. In the latter case, let him come in your mouth, but let it slowly dribble out the side so you don't actually swallow it. As for taste, Fine insists fruit like pineapple or strawberries will sweeten the load. Fine once met a 70-year-old woman who told her that her husband knows he's gonna get lucky that night when she feeds him fruit cocktail.
Oh, by the way, it's worth noting: If you're sucking really hard and he ejaculates, it may not go down your throat and you could end up with a sinus infection. Hey, don't laugh. According to Fine, it happens to 7 per cent of heavy suckers.
One last thing: Make eye contact when you're giving head. It says, "I've got you where I want you and I'm enjoying this."
After all, says Fine, you can learn all the tricks in the book, but being enthusiastic about what you're doing is the biggest turn-on of all.
Next week: hand jobs!
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