| He learns the hard way that gossip
hurts DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently learned that a former colleague of mine was talking about me behind my back. What he was saying was true, but it was said in a mean-spirited way and in a public setting. What's worse is that the whole reason that he even had occasion to think about me is because I sent him an e-mail sharing some good news with him. My friend, who told me about his salty comments, told me I could say something if I want to, but I'm not sure how to handle it. What's your opinion? -- Willie, New York Willie: You should leave this whole situation alone, especially since the comments that your former colleague made are true. Even if he had misspoken, I would likely recommend that you say nothing, because it's unlikely that your addressing the person's gossip would diminish it at all. What you can do is recognize what kind of person this fellow is. He has demonstrated, as witnessed through your friend, that he does not have your best interest at heart. You cannot trust him to choose positive things to say about you because he already has not. You might also use this occasion to consider your own actions. Have you ever spoken badly about someone when the person wasn't around to defend him or herself? Most people have talked about others, either in jest or for sport, without ever considering how the subject would feel if the information got back to him. If you have done this, let your discomfort be a reminder for you not to do it again. In terms of dealing with the truth, particularly when it's uncomfortable, start by accepting what is true no matter how challenging this acceptance may be. Put the situation in perspective. If you don't care for the truth under scrutiny, make a vow to change it moving forward. DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I ate dinner at a friend's house over the holidays, and when I got home I got really sick. It turns out that I got food poisoning. I know because I just went to the doctor. I have no idea what exactly made me sick. Should I tell my friends what happened to me? -- Linda, Atlanta Linda: You absolutely should tell your friend what happened. You never know. Your friend may have gotten sick as well. Or there may be a culprit in your friend's home, such as a faulty refrigerator, to blame. No matter what, your friend should know that you became ill and that you are better now. To withhold this information could be harmful to your friend and potentially to others who may eat there, because you can't identify what exactly made you ill. To that end, it's also possible that you didn't get the food poisoning from your friend's house. Retrace your steps that day to evaluate what else you ate. Since your husband did not get sick, you may have picked up the germ somewhere else. |
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(Harriette Cole is the
co-author of the new book, "Coming Together: Celebrations for
African-American Families" (Jump at the Sun/Hyperion Books for Children).
You can send questions to [EMAIL PROTECTED] or c/o United
Feature Syndicate, 200 Madison Ave., New York, N.Y.
10016.) Copyright 2004, Harriette Cole Distributed by United Feature Syndicate, Inc. | ||||||||
Charles Mims
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