> Overall, this document looks very good (and I look forward to trying it out in
> our production network soon!).
>
> I have only minor style-related comments, which are probably somewhat pedantic
> in nature. As such, feel free to consider and disregard anything raise in
> this message.
>
> Regards
> Jason
>
> 1 Adding leading caps to doc title:
Current: Dual-stack lite broadband deployments post IPv4
exhaustion
Suggested: Dual-Stack Lite Broadband Deployments Post IPv4
Exhaustion
2 Consider modifying the title, as ³post...² sounds awkward
Current: ....Post IPv4 Exhaustion
Suggested: ...Following IPv4 Exhaustion
3 Section 1: ³NAT² first appears in Section 1. Recommend changing
to ³Network Address Translation (NAT)² on the first use of the acronym
4 Section 1: change ³It has not happened.² to ³However, this has
not happened.²
5 Section 4.1: Change ³...how the NATing function of the AFTR is
performed.² to ³how the NAT function of the AFTR is performed.² (drop ³ing²
from NAT, otherwise NATing = Network Address Translationing)
6 Section 4.2: Change ³This section describes home style
networks...² to ³This section describes home Local Area Networks...² OR
³This section describes home networks....²
7 Section 4.3: Do you mean to pluralize ³hosts² in the following:
³...if an IPv4 home hosts decides to use...²
8 Section 5.3, Paragraph 3: You are missing a space in:
³However,as...² --> ³However, as...² Also, later in that same sentence, you
need to pluralize ³service provider² to ³service providers²
9 Section 6.5: Change ³well-know² to ³well-known²
10 Section 9: change ³feedbacks² to ³feedback² - unless you are
partial to fishes and peoples rather than fish and people. ;-) (I had
to make a joke someplace here! I¹m playing all week, stop back soon
folks...)
11 General, Section Titles: You sometimes have leading caps and
sometimes you do not. I would suggest you select one or other other
approach and apply it uniformly throughout all of the section titles. I
myself prefer leading caps, but your choice may differ. In any case, have
either ³This Is Section One² and ³This is Section Two² or ³This is section
one² and ³This is section two² but NOT ³This Is Section One² and ³This is
section two²
12 General: Dual-Stack Lite appears variously as ³Dual-Stack Lite²
and ³Dual-stack lite² and probably in other forms. As above, select one
format and apply it universally. I am partial to ³Dual-Stack Lite² myself,
but this is your document.
15 Section 15, Deployment Considerations: You may want to make
some statement about the ability to log or keep track of which users are
using which IP/port combinations. This is both to support troubleshooting,
which is very important to ISPs trying to figure out why something may not
be working, as well as to meet region-specific ISP requirements for
responding to legally-binding requests for information from law enforcement
authorities. For example, on this last point, if an attack comes from a
user and you need to track back the attacker, you need some ability to trace
abuse through log data.
> JL
>
> ------
> From: David Ward <[email protected]>
> Date: Wed, 3 Feb 2010 12:04:38 -0500
> To: <[email protected]>
> Cc: David Ward <[email protected]>, Ralph Droms <[email protected]>, Brian
> Haberman <[email protected]>, james woodyatt <[email protected]>, "Lee,
> Yiu" <[email protected]>, Randy Bush <[email protected]>, Alain Durand
> <[email protected]>
> Subject: WG LC:
> http://tools.ietf.org/html/draft-ietf-softwire-dual-stack-lite-03
>
> All -
>
> I'd like to start the WG LC on the draft "Dual-stack lite broadband
> deployments post IPv4 exhaustion." It can be found here:
>
> http://tools.ietf.org/html/draft-ietf-softwire-dual-stack-lite-03
>
> I call to your attention the significant restructuring of the document and
> movement of informational material to appendices and clarifications
> throughout.
>
> The LC will close 2010.02.18 at 1700 PST. Please send all comments to this
> thread which includes all authors.
>
> Many thanks
>
> -DWard
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