Hi Bernie, Good catches and suggestions. Thank you.
Fixed those (and other minor nits) in -23. FWIW, a diff is available at: https://www.ietf.org/rfcdiff?url2=draft-ietf-softwire-map-radius-23 Cheers, Med > -----Message d'origine----- > De : Bernie Volz (volz) [mailto:v...@cisco.com] > Envoyé : mardi 14 mai 2019 03:21 > À : int-...@ietf.org; int-...@ietf.org; draft-ietf-softwire-map- > rad...@ietf.org > Cc : softwires@ietf.org > Objet : RE: intdir Telechat Review requested: draft-ietf-softwire-map- > radius > > I am an assigned INT directorate reviewer for draft-ietf-softwire-map- > radius-22. These comments were written primarily for the benefit of the > Internet Area Directors. Document editors and shepherd(s) should treat > these comments just like they would treat comments from any other IETF > contributors and resolve them along with any other Last Call comments that > have been received. For more details on the INT Directorate, see > https://datatracker.ietf.org/group/intdir/about/. > > This draft looks pretty good but there are a few quickly fixed issues and > a bunch of minor nits. But, otherwise the draft looks ready to move > forward. > > Issues: > > Section 3.1.3.1 > > I think the following text is in error: > Defining multiple TLV-types achieves the same design goals as the > "Softwire46 Rule Flags" defined in Section 4.1 of [RFC7598]. Using > TLV-type set to 4 is equivalent to setting the F-flag in the > OPTION_S46_RULE S46 Rule Flags field. > It should say (s/ 4 / 5 /): > Defining multiple TLV-types achieves the same design goals as the > "Softwire46 Rule Flags" defined in Section 4.1 of [RFC7598]. Using > TLV-type set to 5 is equivalent to setting the F-flag in the > OPTION_S46_RULE S46 Rule Flags field. > (I assume that "setting the F-flag" means setting it to 1.) > > I'm also not sure what the following means: > 5 Forwarding Permitted Mapping Rule (may be used for > forwarding. Can also be a Basic Mapping Rule) > Shouldn't this just be: > 5 Forwarding Permitted Mapping Rule > > FYI - The text in RFC7598 is: > o F-flag: 1-bit field that specifies whether the rule is to be used > for forwarding (FMR). If set, this rule is used as an FMR; if not > set, this rule is a BMR only and MUST NOT be used for forwarding. > Note: A BMR can also be used as an FMR for forwarding if the > F-flag is set. The BMR is determined by a longest-prefix match of > the Rule IPv6 prefix against the End-user IPv6 prefix(es). > > Section 5: > The "CoA-Request" message is not mentioned in this table, but was > mentioned in 3.1: > The Softwire46-Configuration Attribute MAY appear in a CoA-Request > packet. > It may also be appropriate to include a table number/title? > > > Minor Nits: > > Section 3.1: > s/ efer / refer / > > Section 3.1.2: > Remove the 0+ definition under Table 2 as it is not used and > therefore not needed. > > Section 3.2: > s/ orderd / ordered / > s/ attribute include one or / attributes includes one or / > (use includes) > > Section 3.3: Suggestion > It may be more consistent and shorter to combine "MAY appear", "MAY > contain" rules? For example: > > The Softwire46-Multicast Attribute MAY appear in an Access-Request, > Access-Accept, CoA-Request, and Accounting-Request packet. > > The Softwire46-Multicast Attribute MAY contain ASM-Prefix64 (see > Section 3.3.1), SSM-Prefix64 (see Section 3.3.2), and U-Prefix64 > (see > Section 3.3.3) attributes. > > Section 4: > In 4, s/Theses are/These are/ > In 5, s/CE send a/CE sends a/ > > Appendix A.7: > The "TLV Field" column is a bit odd since these are really subfields > from RFC8044. > So, rename "TLV Subfield"? And, the fields are "Prefix-Length" and > "Prefix" from > the TLV attribute. > > - Bernie > > -----Original Message----- > From: Éric Vyncke via Datatracker <nore...@ietf.org> > Sent: Tuesday, April 23, 2019 1:20 PM > To: Bernie Volz (volz) <v...@cisco.com>; Carlos Bernardos > <c...@it.uc3m.es> > Subject: intdir Telechat Review requested: draft-ietf-softwire-map-radius > > > Telechat review of: draft-ietf-softwire-map-radius (no specific version) > Deadline: 2019-05-15 > Requested by: Éric Vyncke > > https://datatracker.ietf.org/doc/draft-ietf-softwire-map- > radius/reviewrequest/11924/login/ > > intdir Telechat Review requested: draft-ietf-softwire-map-radius > _______________________________________________ Softwires mailing list Softwires@ietf.org https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/softwires
