[sorabia] [Fwd: Fw: A new truth about men...]

[angelina markovic]

;))

 

*_Effective January 2007_* 
* *

* Dress Code*
1. It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. 
If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume 
you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay raise.
2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, 
so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay 
raise.
3. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and 
therefore you do not need a pay raise. 
* *

* Sick Days*
We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness.
If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. 
* *

* Holiday Days*
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called 
Saturday & Sunday. 
* *

* Compassionate Leave*
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead 
friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have 
non-employees attend to the arrangements.
In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral 
should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to 
allow   you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one 
hour early. 
* *

* Toilet Use*
1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a 
strict three-minute time limit in the cubicles.
2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper 
roll will retract, the cubicle door will open, and your picture will be 
taken.
3. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company 
notice board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the 
company's mental health policy. 
* *

* Lunch Break*
1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more so 
that they can look healthy.
2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to 
maintain their average figure.
3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time 
needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

 

 

 

 

  



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