Some of you may have already seen this - but I figured it was still worth repeating. Suzie
> This is hilarious. Take the time to read it. > > This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan > DeVries by the Michigan Department of Environmental > Quality, State of Michigan. This guy's response is > hilarious, but read the State's letter before you > get to the response letter. > ------------------------------------------ > SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; > T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County > > Dear Mr. DeVries: > > It has come to the attention of the Department of > Environmental Quality that there has been recent > unauthorized activity on the above referenced > parcel of property. You have been certified as the > legal landowner and/ or contractor who did the > following unauthorized activity: > Construction and maintenance of two wood debris > dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond. A > permit must be issued prior to the start of this > type of activity. A review of the Department's > files shows that no permits have been issued. > > Therefore, the Department has determined that this > activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes > and Streams, of the Natural Resource and > Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public > Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 > of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated. > > The Department has been informed that one or both > of the dams partially failed during a recent rain > event, causing debris and flooding at downstream > locations. We find that dams of this nature are > inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The > Department therefore orders you to cease and desist > all activities at this location, and to restore the > stream to a free-flow condition by removing all > wood and brush forming the dams from the stream > channel. All restoration work shall be completed no > later than January 31, 2003. > > Please notify this office when the restoration has > been completed so that a follow-up site inspection > may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply > with this request or any further unauthorized > activity on the site may result in this case being > referred for elevated enforcement action. > We anticipate and would appreciate your full > cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to > contact me at this office if you have any > questions. > > Sincerely, > > David L. Price District Representative > Land and Water Management Division > > ** This is the actual response sent back: ** > > Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; > R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County. > Dear Mr. Price, > Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been > handed to me to respond to. I am the legal > landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget, > Pierson, Michigan. A couple of beavers are in the > (State unauthorized) process of constructing and > maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the > outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not > pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam > project, I think they would be highly offended that > you call their skillful use of natures building > materials "debris." I would like to challenge your > department to attempt to emulate their dam project > any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I > can safely state there is no way you could ever > match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, > their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their > dam determination and/or their dam work ethic. > > As to your request, I do not think the beavers are > aware that they must first fill out a dam permit > prior to the start of this type of dam activity. > > My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying > to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers or > (2) do you require all beavers throughout this > State to conform to said dam request? If you are > not discriminating against these particular > beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I > request completed copies of all those other > applicable beaver dam permits that have been > issued. Perhaps we will see if there really is a > dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and > Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental > Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, > being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the > Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated. > > I have several concerns. My first concern is... > aren't the beavers entitled to legal > representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are > financially destitute and are unable to pay for > said representation, so the State will have to > provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's > dam concern that either one or both of the dams > failed during a recent rain event causing flooding > is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which > the Department is required to protect. In other > words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers > alone rather than harassing them and calling their > dam names. > > If you want the stream "restored" to a dam > free-flow condition please contact the beavers, but > if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did > not pay any attention to your dam letter... they > being unable to read English. > > In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have > a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as > the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows > downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to > live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of > Natural Resources and Environmental Protection > lives up to its name, it should protect the natural > resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' > Dams). > > So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this > dam case can be referred for more elevated > enforcement action right now. Why wait until > 1/31/2003? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the > dam ice then and there will be no way for you or > your dam staff to contact/harass them then. > In conclusion, I would like to bring to your > attention to a real environmental quality (health) > problem in the area. It is the bears! > > Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I > definitely believe you should be persecuting the > defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If > you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch > your step! (The bears are not careful where they > dump!) > > Being unable to comply with your dam request, and > being unable to contact you on your dam answering > machine, I am sending this response to your dam > office. > > Thank You, > > > Ryan DeVries & The Dam Beavers /// [EMAIL PROTECTED] mailing list /// Send admin requests to [EMAIL PROTECTED] /// or try http://www.team.net/cgi-bin/majorcool /// Archives at http://www.team.net/archive /// Send list postings to [EMAIL PROTECTED] /// Edit your replies! If they include this trailer, they will NOT be sent.
