PHOTOGRAPHIC TRUTHS
The Post Office folds all parcels containing photographs.
Dense negative sink.
Lens caps and cable releases can become invisible at will.
Spotone bottles are designed to tip over when the cap is removed.
Camera straps never fail above soft surfaces.
Shutterbugs result from cross-breeding silverfish with flashbulbs.
Photographers fade faster than photographs.
Financial success in photography is directly related to proper choice of subject matter. Falling airplanes, exploding volcanoes, and certain Presidential motorcades work best.
You will never, ever, receive an N.E.A. Grant.
The word "Daguerreotype" cannot be spelled correctly.
A new Hasselblad would take better pictures than your present camera.
1/60 at f/8 is the correct exposure for all photographs.
When your friends finally realize that you are a true artist, committed to making sensitive and meaningfull images, they will ask you to photograph their wedding.
The most difficult problem encountered in designing the Polaroid SX-70 camera was not to get it to regugitate a picture instantly, but to get it to make the appropriate sound - Bleaaagh! - when doing so.
Color slide viewing cures insomnia.
On any tripod, only two legs work properly.
Popular Photography is to Photography as The Sound of Music is to Music.
Dust spots are attracted to sky areas. All B&W pictures eventually fade into full color.
Distant objects cannot be recorded with short exposures - light travels only 186 miles in 1/1000th second.
There is nothing wrong with a 35mm that a 4X5 can't cure.
Yes, Photographers Do It In The Dark...but they have to stop every thirty seconds to agitate the developer.
Followers of Minor White are known as minor Whites.
Ansel Adams has three Secrect Zones known only to him!
Mountboard becomes stiffer by plying with itself.
When Man creates a sharper lens, Nature will create a fuzzier subject.
Fast films compensate for slow photographers.
Owning more than one lense assures that you will have the wrong lense on your camera for any given picture.
Mounting a photograph is a misdemeanor in Arkansas.
A butter knife is a useful tool for making minor adjustments that a camera store would charge $25 to make.
A camera store will charge $125 to repair a camera that has been adjusted wirth a butter knife.
Safelights aren't. Available light won't be. On the other hand, gadget bags are.
Short exposures may cause reciprocity success.
Falling lenses are attracted to rocks.
Into every life a little grain must fall.
Sharper lenses won't help - realism is unrelated to Reality.
Expose for the secrects, develop for the surprises!
AND REMEMBER: Silver salts are sensitive to thought.
--> SPORRS: Serious Photographers of Railroad Related Subjects
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