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Ask Dr. Hal Show
Wedensday June 2nd
9:00
free
----> Event Description <-----------------------------------------------
Volume I, No. 14��������� A MESSAGE FROM DR. HAL������� June 2nd, 2004 "Ask Dr. Hal" Sedulously Shows "When Styracosaurs Attack!" Go Van Gogh will be Opening Act
c o n t e n t s :
�FEATURETTE - GO VAN GOGH - BUS TRIP POSTPONED - SOCIAL NOTES - MASTER COMPUTER
RE-BOOTER - UPCOMING EVENTS LIST - FAVORITE QUESTIONS: FUTURE SCHEDULE CHANGES,
"MILKING" SPIDERS FOR SILK - DISCLAIMER
Another Wednesday night at the Odeon, San Francisco's famed Variety Arts Showcase at 3223
Mission St. @ 29th. Another episode of the award-winning "Ask Dr. Hal" show. Another
spine-tingling featurette, a worthy sequel to last week's well-received "When Plesiosaurs
Attack!" which in turn followed upon the success of the previous week's crowd-pleasing
"When Chasmosaurs Attack!" You are invited. Actually this represents a slight change in the
programme-- our original plan was to show, "When Allosaurs Attack!" But that particular
presentation has been postponed for the nonce.� Anyhow, this week's dynamic dinosaur
classic is from the hands of Oakland's own great pioneer in sculptural dimensional animation
Willis O'Brien. Complete with customized narration by me, Dr. Howland Owll (and with added
sonic decorations by archivist master K-Rob), When Styracosaurs Attack! is another in a
series highlighting examples of the great art of stop-motion animation. This classic
educational, scientific presentation has been prepared exclusively for our show. After our
usual prolonged� strategic conference, K-Rob and I determined to our satisfaction the
content and psychology of this segment; then, avoiding all distractions, he isolated himself in
his Church Street editing facility to splice it all together with his characteristic mordant
touch. It is our sincerest hope that you'll be ravished by the result when we finally get around
to projecting it during "Ask Dr. Hal," and we also aspire to tempt you to be here for the rest
of the series (next week enjoy "When Allosaurs Attack!") for as long as our show lasts, which
may not be for too much longer. Attentive readers of this space will know what I refer to. So
do come out to see us, and accept our invitation to indulge in a vacation from the cinematic
onslaught of corporate sanctioned, committee-made, blurry, computer generated special
effects. Take delectable refreshment in an auteur's artistry. Guaranteed analog, nothing
digital, all hand-made. As always, narration shall be provided by me, Dr. Howland Owll, while
the sound and musical effects shall be at K-Rob's beck and call. Expect to view the "charge of
a styracosaur " presented with the "Odeon touch."
Our Opening Act
Ladies and Gentlemen! Messieurs et Mesdames, Damen und Herren, Signore e Signori, Pani e
Pane, the Odeon Bar and Night Club will open the Ask Dr. Hal show this week with
pardonable pride as we give you ... Go Van Gogh! That's right-- the band which has
performed across Europe and the USA. The band whose 1995 debut on the Accretions label
has received excellent reviews in a wide variety of music publications and placed well in over
a hundred radio markets, and whose unique CD, "Dance Pressure," combines slithery modal
eastern melodicism with Western-style lap steel guitar and sinewy percussion grooves-- with
the occasional slide whistle thrown in for good measure. They are Connie and Jesse
Walkershaw, Brad Bechtel, Dave Humbird, Chuck Kapelke and Mark Deggeller. This is a
historic moment for the Odeon and we're going to try, really try to start earlier for a change.
Of course, it's unfair to performers to ask them to play to a small house, so we usually end
up holding the (metaphorical) curtain until a good enough crowd has entered. But, on the
other hand, we have to have enough time for the Dr. Hal show itself, don't we? Fortunately,
though it's the first show of this new month, the leafy month of June, we're not also going to
need time for our traditional late-night wee hours charted bus trip to all-night bowling in
mysterious, exotic Daly City. THE AFTER-SHOW BUS TRIP IS POSTPONED UNTIL NEXT WEEK'S
SHOW. Chalk it up to mechanical difficulties-- and one exhausted, sleep-deprived bus driver.
But we're nothing if not flexible at Dr. Hal, so we're doing it the night of the 9th of June.
If you're receiving this for the first time, you read it right-- at the conclusion of our show
we'll actually drive the audience, in a luxurious green bus, off to bowl to celebrate the
beginning of the new month, the cyclic progression of the seasons, and the unquenchable
flame that burns as a spirit within the heart of Man. Except, not this week, next week-- but
still try to keep from getting there too late in the evening, will you? All part of the fabled,
vanishing Odeon experience. Oh, by the way, have I mentioned the price of admission for
this prodigy of entertainment?�����������
Our show, band, bus ride and all, is COMPLETELY FREE!
And, it has a rather bellicose Styracosaur. An aggressive beast, this ornithischian dinosaur, a
ceratopsian, lived toward the end of the Cretaceous period, nearer to us in time than the
giant reptiles of the Jurassic. Hulking, elephantine, its huge, bulky body, covered with warts
and tubercle-like scales, sported a gargoyle head whose pronounced bony frill was adorned
with a bizarre corona of epopcipital spikes and complimented with a single long, sharp horn
on the hook-beaked snout. It could move faster than you'd think! You'll see it attack some
people, as advertised.
Social Notes
Last Wednesday our audience was graced with the likes of Gabriella Laz, Tanya, the
enchanting Emily from the Yard Dogs and graphic artist/chanteuse Kaosmic Kitty.
Brightening up the place considerably, Krista Bray was also once more in attendance, whom
we welcome back from her New York Adventure. Chris Carney and Eric Cash also happened
to be there, and you know, with those two and Krista it was a reunion of the principals of the
Chris Carney Show, suggesting that now that the human ingredients are reassembled, there
are no further obstacles to bringing that recent popular Saturday night series back. Well, one
can dream, eh? Scholarly D.S. Black, Josh the Orange Box Man and astronomer-photographer
/plane crash archaeologist Pete Goldie also made the scene... Jill Taylor looked glamorous in
a semi-transparent navel-exposing ensemble. Cult favorite musical/performance sensation
Mark Growden showed up, and I believe I also noted Louise Jarmilowicz and Geoffrey Smart
before the night got started. Fainy Emmuticke wrote a good question but was too shy (or
perhaps health conscious) to accept her free Fernet shot, so dutiful K-Rob had to drink it...
Phoenix,Tyler and intrepid Ena neither flinched nor faltered, keeping the club running like
the well-oiled machine it sometimes is... David Capurro, a.k.a. YoYo King was preparing his
usual intricate list of questions when I stopped by his table. Knowing his reputation as a
computer whiz, I asked him advice about my poxy PC, which at the time� virtually seethed
with disabling viruses. Magnanimously, he offered to stop by my apartment to diagnose it
after the show. He was as good as his word, and upon encountering the tormented, palsied,
buggy machine he magisterially declared that he could fix the damage-- then swept away
with the entire unit, taking it to tinker with at home. Well, folks, I just got it back today
(Memorial Day) and it runs like a charm as I write this report. And is it fast! Not only did he
fix it, he completely rebuilt the computer. He threw out the original motherboard, and added
some innovations of his own, including a crazy retrofitted new external switch. Look out, I've
been upgraded from old wheezy Windows 95 to a spanking new AMD Athlon computer with
Windows XP Pro! This baby boasts a cool 1000 MHZ, and has 256 megabytes of RAM,
utilizing a 15 gigabyte hard drive. Let me tell you, that� YoYo Pro sure knows his way around
this stuff. He also has fixed Chicken's computer in the past, incidentally, and he is available
for all computer-related problems large and small; I recommend his services, which have
providentially allowed this report to come out before deadline... Remember, if you'd like to
have your name mentioned in this space in these the possible last days of Dr. Hal, just write
'em down on K-Rob's special sign-up sheet at the front of our stage. Yes, the show will go
on as long as it can-- while it does, we're still offering our typical entertainment package and
answering your questions. Keep in mind, a generous premium in the envelope will produce,
on request, a "Bardic Recitation" from me, Dr. Howland Owll. (This last time I recited Arthur
Hugh Clough's wry poem about belief in God, from his Dipsychus. Later I closed the show
with Shelley's To a Skylark.)� And the inimitable K-Rob will, as always, exhibit his lovingly
crafted and dementedly customized� meandering mellifluous mystic mutant mosaic
hyperpoetic pictorial hypno-porno-freako assemblage/visual tapestry and mind-laundering,
brain-jumbling cerebral video creation, a Babel of babble, with plenty of psychedelicised
echoing audio flash and filigree, before, during and after, to brighten and renew the show
and his own multi-dimensional musical mementos. But one thing remains clear. The bar's up
for sale, there may not be too many of these performances left to go to, and if you don't
come to the show, you'll miss it all.
Upcoming Events
Whatever the fate of the Odeon, don't forget...
�
Anon Salon JuneY ToonZ - Saturday, June 5th in their old HQ, 285 9th St. (@ Folsom) this is
the Fourteenth anniversary of� the venerable institution some have called "the world's longest
running rent party."� 9 PM until late. Before 10 PM, $10.00, $15 after 10 if arrayed in
"Kartoon Kouture," but $20.00 in "dang drabbery," i.e. T-shirts and Dockers (or whatever)
and I agree-- such people should be fined. This event, as its name indicates, centers around
an art theme, the world of comic book illustration. It's in their old party space. I, Dr. Howland
Owll, have been asked to man an attraction there.
��
Clue: the Play - Fridays & Saturdays, May 28th & 29th, June 4th, 5th, 11th, 12th, 18th & 19th
at The Dark Room Theater, 2263 Mission St. between 18th & 19th. From the same folks who
brought you Night of the Living Dead: the Play, Dr. Strangelove: the Play and so on. Tickets
are $16 at the door, or a mere $12.50 when you search under "clue" at
www.acteva.com
An Impossible Production, this is the stage adaptation of the cult film written by Jonathan
Lynn from the popular Parker Bros. board game, directed by Cameron Eng and Jim
Fourniadis, produced by Cameron and Erin Ohanneson. The late, great Spanganga may be
gone, but long live The Dark Room!
http://www.darkroom.4t.com
Mr. Lucky and the Cocktail Party will open for the famously infamous Royal Crown Review,
Sunday, June 6th at 12 Galaxies (formerly Galia) on Mission near 22nd; doors will open at
8PM-- the show will take off (into the Stratosphere) at 9PM sharp! You owe it to yourself to
come hear this suave master of musical idiom who's known for knowing his way around a
song, not to mention a martini or two.
The Power Tool Drag Races - Saturday & Sunday, June 12th & 13th at Ace Junkyard, starting
up at 10 AM both days. Watch this pace, Squid List, etc. I'll be there (as a color commentator).
Will you? So much is happening... for example, there's the...
Laughing Squid 8 & 1/2 Year Anniversary Show - Also Saturday, June 12th at 12 Galaxies
(formerly Galia but under new management), 2565 Mission Street between 21st and 22nd.
The location is 2 blocks from the 24th St. BART station, on three separate Muni Bus lines, and
has plenty of street and lot parking nearby. This may appear to conflict with the Power Tool
Drag Races but nay, not so. Power Tool winds down in the early evening, while this gets
going at 9:00 PM (doors open at 8). $teven Ra$pa will host the eve, which also features
Attaboy & Burke with lots of new stuff, the Evolution Control Committee, the great Zero Boy
(N.Y.C.'s vocal juggernaut), bagpipe maestro The Madpiper, me, Dr. Howland Owll, together
with K-Rob, and a flotilla of other performers and surprise guests. Interested? Tickets are on
sale now ($8.00 in advance, $10 at the door):
http://www.virtuous.com/search/events_venue.php?v=12GLX
And try: http://laughingsquid.org/8.5/
Kitten on the Keys CD Release Party - Friday, June 18th a the vanishing Odeon Bar/Nightclub,
incorporating a live performance by this gifted and very lively artiste. Some compare her
sexy, teasing personal style to that of actress Joan Cusack. Anyway, sounds like fun...
Some of our favorite Questions
"Dr. Hal, if silk comes from threads spun by caterpillars, can you make silk from the threads
spun by spiders?" A fairly interesting question. Never worry if a question's too dopey to ask,
by the way. I answer anything that gets to my desk. The problem is, Chicken often intercepts
questions he thinks beneath the dignity of the Dr. Hal Show. He protects me from such inane
queries as, "Dr. Hal, are you Cuckoo for Cocoa-Puffs?" But of course I would have done my
best to make that one "pay," ranting about blood sugar levels, juvenile hyperactivity, the
potential addictive nature of phenylethylmine, perhaps a brief history of General Mills, and so
on. But he has my best interests at heart, clearly. Incidentally, this filtering function will be
missing from our show sometime coming up-- we're still working on the scheduling. I'm
talking about when Chicken will be on the road and John Hell will manfully step in to take
Chicken's place at Dr. Hal. It's not the same, naturally, without Chicken, but don't worry-- it's
been shown that we can still do a version of the show.� Anyway, back to the spiders.� The
silkworm uses silk for pupation only. It is difficult to rear, gets diseases, needs heat, needs
special food for which there is no substitute, and dies if called upon to fast for even a
negligible period. So why indeed do we mess with silkworms, instead of using the more
plentiful, more beautiful, and stronger silk of the spider? True, it takes 50,000 spiders to
produce one pound of silk, but they are easily fed. All their dietary needs can be met by flies,
of which there are always a vigorous supply. Plenty more where they come from. Actually, it
has been done-- in 1710, a Frenchman, Monsieur Bon, succeeded in making some stockings
and mittens from spider silk, though at times he broke the thread, which can mar the luster
to a certain degree...� And he was not the first: reading in the Atlantic Monthly for June
(1858, that is) we read that the Emperor Aurengzebe of Hindostan once "reproved his
daughter for the indelicacy of her costume" although she was wearing seven thicknesses of
spider silk. Furthermore, this silk is gorgeous. The Abbe Raymond de Termeyer found that
silk could be drawn directly from a spider on to a spool, and between 1762 and 1796 he
succeeded by this method. Once he drew off silk from a spider and a silkworm side by side
and was amazed to find how much more beautiful was the spider silk. It was, he said,
"...more like a Mirrour or Polish'd Metal than Silk." In 1863 a Mr. Wilder did the same thing.
Securing a good-sized spider, he reeled off from her 150 yards of thread in one and a
quarter hours. He said it was easy as milking a cow. But here's the hitch: you can't make a
profit-- because you can't raise spiders together. If you try it with a vivarium full of, say,
twenty spiders you will end up with a vivarium containing one single, very fat spider. They're
ruthlessly competitive, you see, asocial, and all too willing to indulge a cannibal nature. In his
invaluable book, The Life of the Spider, naturalist John Crompton writes, "The large tropical
spiders yield the best and their thread is thicker. But these methods cannot be� used
commercially, so I fear that we will never see the beauty of shapely calves and ankles
enhanced by the metallic sheen of arachnidian silk." Ah, yes... Well, it seems I may not always
enjoy the forum to respond to questions such as this much longer. If you want to hear these
answers, we strongly suggest you come to these final shows-- or miss 'em forever. Long Live
the Odeon!
Boilerplate
�"Ask Dr. Hal" is open to all seekers and questers after enlightenment, and special
consultations and initiations are available in private for particularly comely, gracile, nubile
females over the currently legal drinking age of 21. Come one, come all. Step right up. Every
show a memorable Adventure. Not for the fearful, tearful, fretful, regretful, self-obsessed or
feeble
----> Venue Info <------------------------------------------------------
odeonbar 3223 Mission St San Francisco
www.odeonbar.com
----> Additional Info <-------------------------------------------------
[EMAIL PROTECTED] www.odeonbar.com
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