I finally fixed this. I can't believe it took me half a week to solve this 
but it was simply a matter of Doctrine being unable to convert a date string 
to a DateTime object. That's it. I have no idea why this error wasn't 
showing up in custom PHP error functions or why PDO wouldn't at least give 
me an error message. I only managed to stumble upon this mistake when I 
started going through the function I use to create subscriptions from POST 
data for what must have been the 15th time. The payment processor POSTs the 
the date as a string.

Somehow I thought that Doctrine2 could automatically detect date strings and 
would convert them but I was clearly confusing that with Twig and Symfony2. 
Lesson of the day: if you're persisting entities that are supposed to 
contain DateTime fields, make sure that you're storing dates as DateTime 
objects. *facepalm*

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