Anyone old enough to remember this?
No mention of the chicken and the egg though, that's sad.
Also, the date near the end hasn't yet happened unless I've been under a
rock all this time, but this list is dead and that just isn't acceptable.
Perhaps it's a rock and a hard place... oh you know what? Just never mind.
On Tuesday, April 07, 2099 7:46 PM,
patrick perdue happened to mention in passing:
On 6/7/2004, 3:24:33 PM EDT, nick wrote:
Unfortunately, finals start for me this Friday. It sucks dam
nit. I have finals in the main subjects. The only
finals I'm not sure about are the Science and Math.
Ah, deer old high school...
I really do miss those finals.
The Final Exam
INSTRUCTIONS: Read each question thoroughly. Answer
Time limit--four hours. Begin immediately.
HISTORY: Describe the history of the Papacy from its
origins to the present day, concentrate specifically
but not exclusively, on the social, political,
economic, religious, and philosophical impact on
Europe, Asia, America and Africa. Be brief, concise
LITERATURE: Compose an epic poem based on the events
of your own life in which you see and footnote
allusions from T.S. Eliot, Keats, Chaucer, Dante,
mythology and the Marx brothers. Critique your poem
with a full discussion of its metrics.
MUSIC: Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate it and
perform it with flute and drum. You will find a piano
under your seat.
LOGIC: Using accepted methodology prove all four of
the following: That the universe is infinite; that
truth is beauty; that there is not a little person
who turns off the light in the refrigerator when you
close the door, and that you are the person taking
this exam. Now disprove all of the above. Be specific;
show all work.
PHILOSOPHY: Sketch the development of human thought;
estimate its significance. Compare with the
development of any other kind of thought.
MEDICINE: You have been provided with a razor blade, a
piece of gauze, and a bottle of Scotch. Remove your
own appendix. Do not suture until your work has
been inspected. You have fifteen minutes.
BIOLOGY: Create life. Estimate the differences in
subsequent human culture if this form of life had
developed five hundred years earlier, with special
to the probable effects on the English Parliamentary
system. Prove your thesis.
PSYCHOLOGY: Employing principles from the major
schools of psychoanalytic thought, successfully
subject yourself to analysis. Make appropriate
changes, bill yourself and fill out all medical
insurance forms. Now do the same to the person seated
to your immediate left.
SOCIOLOGY: Estimate the sociological problems that
might accompany the end of the world. Show how boy
meets girl theory developed. Construct and experiment
to test your theory.
ECONOMICS: Develop a realistic plan for refinancing
the national debt. Trace the possible effects of you
plan in the following areas: Cubism, the Donatist
controversy, the wave theory of light. Outline a
method from all points of view. Point out deficiencies
in your argument as demonstrated in your answer
to the last question.
COMPUTER SCIENCE: Define computer. Define Science. How
do they relate? Why? Create a generalized algorithm to
optimize all computer decisions. Assuming
an 1130 CPU supporting 50 terminals, each terminal to
activate your algorithm, design the communications to
interface and all the necessary control programs.
PUBLIC SPEAKING: 2,500 riot crazed students are
storming the classroom. Calm them. You may use any
ancient language except Latin or Greek.
PHYSICS: Explain the nature of matter. Include in your
answer an evaluation of the impact of the development
of mathematics on science.
AGRICULTURAL SCIENCE: Outline the steps involved in
breeding your own super high yield, all weather hybrid
strain of wheat. Describe its chemical and physical
properties and estimate its impact on world food
supplies. Construct a model for dealing with
world-wide surpluses. Write your Nobel Prize
COMPREHENSION: three minute time test. Read everything
before doing anything. Put your name in the upper
right hand corner of this page. Circle the word
name in sentence three. Sign your name under the title
of this paper, after the title write yes, yes, yes.
Put an X in the lower left hand corner of this
paper. Draw a triangle around the X you just put down.
On the back of this paper multiply 703x668. Loudly
call out your name when you get to this point.
If you think you have followed directions carefully to
this point call out "I have." Punch three small holes
in the top of this paper. If you are the first
person to get this far, call out "I am the first
person to this point, I am leading in following
directions." On the reverse side of this paper add
and 9850. Put a circle around your answer and put a
square around the circle. Now that you have finished
reading carefully, do only sentence two.
POLITICAL SCIENCE: There is a red telephone on the
desk behind you. Start World War III. Report at length
on its socio- political effects, if any.
MATHMATICS: Give today's date--in metric.
CHEMISTRY. Transform lead into gold. You will find a
tripod and three logs under your seat. Show all work
including Feynman diagrams and quantum functions
for all steps. You have fifteen minutes.
Define the Universe. Give two examples.
-- Patrick Perdue (MCP, CNA)
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