My complaint about one stupid jerk
Friends, countrymen, people who hate one stupid jerk, lend me your ears; I come 
to bury one stupid jerk, not to praise it. When writing this letter, I had 
originally intended to segregate the pure errors of fact in one stupid jerk's 
comments from the assertions of questionable judgment where there could be room 
for dispute. I eventually decided against that approach because one stupid jerk 
has worn out its welcome. I explained the reason for that just a moment ago. If 
you don't mind, though, I'll go ahead and explain it again. To begin with, 
someone once said to me, "I lost all respect for one stupid jerk when I heard 
that it plans to change children's values from those taught in the home to 
those considered chic by mad nebbishes." This phrase struck me so forcefully 
that I have often used it since. 

One stupid jerk owns drawers and boxes full of legal documents, which it is 
convinced prove its position. But let's not lose perspective. It's possible 
that we ignore one stupid jerk at our own peril. However, I cannot speculate 
about that possibility here because I need to devote more space to a 
description of how one stupid jerk has a talent for inventing fantasy worlds in 
which space gods arriving in flying saucers will save humanity from 
self-destruction. Then again, just because one stupid jerk is a prolific 
fantasist doesn't mean that public opinion is a reliable indicator of what's 
true and what isn't. No matter how close it's come to making me sell my soul to 
the devil, it won't be satisfied until it finds a way to create a regime of 
moonstruck onanism. I have a dream that my children will be able to live in a 
world filled with open spaces and beautiful wilderness -- not in a dark, 
lackadaisical world run by prodigal, possession-obsessed punks. One stupid jerk 
likes ultimata that deny citizens the ability to draw their own conclusions 
about the potential for violence that it may be generating. Could there be a 
conflict of interest there? If you were to ask me, I'd say that if I withheld 
my feelings on this matter, I'd be no less deplorable than one stupid jerk. 

In the strictest sense, one stupid jerk's sophistries are fatally fissiparous. 
In reaching that conclusion I have made the usual assumption that its 
criticisms of my letters have never successfully disproved a single fact I ever 
presented. Instead, one stupid jerk's criticisms are based solely on its 
emotions and gut reactions. Well, I refuse to get caught up in its "I think . I 
believe . I feel" game. In short, giving rise to wayward, eccentric converts to 
despotism is considered de rigueur by one stupid jerk's army of bleeding-heart, 
mutinous incubi.


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