Guys, I am totally totally at a loss.

I am running Windows 8.1, (please don't get confused, this isn't Windows 8, 
it's 8.1,) and am trying desperetly! to get to the screen where I can select 
optional updates and install them.  I have tried both with classic shell, and 
from the actual literal Windows start screen.  I've also used the charm bar, 
with win+X.  I see exactly how to get to the windows update screen, but once 
here, I'm thrown in a list view with 3 things.  Windows update, file history, 
and recovery.  When on Windows update, if I then tab, I cannot see anything 
about how in the living hell! to get the list view where I can check or uncheck 
optional updates.  Googling suggests that after going to Windows update, I 
should have something that says settings.  Under there should be an option for 
installing optional updates.  But, where in the living heck is Settings, in the 
first darn place?  I've looked everywhere.

Further, when in windows update, if I hit enter on the install button, it 
disappears, but nothing in my system tray indicates that updates are being 
installed, and I see no way with the mouse pointer on that screen to find any 
sort of progress indication, so frankly, I'm not even sure that it's installing 
in the first place.  Yes, I have administrator priveledges.  I'm totally 
totally at a loss!  I know that important updates should be automatically 
installed and downloaded, but that's not so much what I'm concerned about.  
I'm! more concerned about how to see the noncumulative updates.

Can someone walk me through from the point of being focused on my desktop, step 
by step what to hit, and what Window eyes  should report?  There's gotta! be a 
way to do this!  This was so much easier in Windows 7, I swear!

Chris, who is absolutely growing to hate! Windows 8.1!
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