I have lived in Buenos Aires for the past fifteen months and go to about four milongas each week. I want to share an updated version of my previous posting for the benefit of new listers with some additional things I've learned. Some of this information comes directly from my boyfriend who has been dancing in the milongas for 47 years.
I only dance with a man who makes eye contact with me from his table. Yes, ladies, I know this technique is unfamiliar to you and somewhat difficult, but I hope you'll take my advice. I have learned the hard way, through accepting many invitations from unfamiliar men, that those who come to my table to invite me for the first time don't know how to dance. I ignor them or look away or start talking with a friend at my table. I am more interested in the quality of partners, rather than in the quantity. I know this is hard to do when you are here for a short time. The only exception to this rule is when a fairly regular partner comes to my table because we haven't made eye contact for some reason. When a man invites a woman to dance, he finishes the tanda (usually four dances) with her, no matter how she dances. He is happy that she has accepted his invitation. If you are uncomfortable dancing with a man and prefer not to continue, you may say "gracias" after the first or second dance without finishing the tanda, and he will escort you to your table. There are men who will come to a milonga to listen to the music and watch the dancers and chat with friends. Not every man in a milonga is there to dance. So ladies, please be patient. Sometimes all it takes is a particular tango or a tanda of his favorite orchestra to get him on the floor. There are men who don't dance milonga, just tango and vals. There are men who prefer D'Arienzo to Pugliese. Don't take it personally. The milongas of BsAs are a different world. Every milonga has a regular format for the tandas. For example, 4 tangos by the same orchestra; cortina; 4 milongas; cortina; tropical music (salsa/cumbia/merengue); cortina; tangos; cortina; valses, cortina; tangos; cortina. It is helpful to know what comes next. Then you're ready during the cortina to get the attention of your next partner. You let a man know you are interested in dancing with him by making eye contact. A good time to do this is during the cortina. When the time/tanda/etc. is right, he will indicate in some way to you that he wants to dance, and you can accept with a nod or smile. Then just wait in your chair until he comes over!!! If your body language and demeanor indicate you are interested in dancing a tanda, you may receive invitations from men who want to dance. To decline an invitation, simply look in another direction. If you do not make eye contact with him, he cannot ask you to dance. Others in the room do not know that you have declined a man's invitation. You should wait for the man to approach your table before you stand and walk onto the dance floor. Sometimes, he has actually invited the woman next to you, and an awkward situation then can be avoided. When he gets closer to your table, he will confirm that he has invited you by making eye contact. Then you can get up and go to meet him. Women don't walk across the floor to meet partners. It's easy to spot a foreigner doing this. Be patient, ladies. He doesn't mind walking across the floor to come to you. You have just agreed to dance with him, and he's delighted. After the tanda, a man always escorts his partner to her table. He doesn't have to hold your hand or put his arm around you. And you don't have to allow this. You can easily avoid this situation by taking your hand or arm away from him. Remember, your body language is being read by other men in the milonga. If they think you are with this man, they may not make any attempt to invite you. Conversation between dances is brief. This is where your Spanish skills come in handy. If a man gets too close, just step back. If he wants to put his hands on you, just move away. You don't have to feel uncomfortable with anyone. I have found more men who speak some English, but it's nicer to be able to speak Spanish with them. A man never dances two consecutive tandas with the same partner unless they are seated together at the same table. I recommend not dancing too many tandas with the same man. You will limit your dancing and miss out on dancing with others. A man rarely invites a woman who is seated with another man, and then only if he knows her well and has seen her accepting invitations with others in the milonga. I have met visiting couples who sit together in the milongas and yet they both want to dance with other partners. It's not going to happen. Why come all the way to Buenos Aires and dance only with your husband/boyfriend/partner? A little time away from each other to dance in the milongas with locals may even help your dancing. Women who do not learn to make eye contact in the milongas, do not dance. Foreigners have to learn this technique quickly in order to dance. I suggest you spend at least the first half hour at a milonga just watching the dancing to see who dances well. If you accept an invitation in the first few minutes, it's not going to be with a great dancer, I can assure you. It is worth the wait. I spend the first couple tandas just looking around the room to see who is there and where my favorite partners are seated. Then when I'm ready to dance, I'll try to get the attention of someone. Everyone dances in a close embrace in the milongas because the floors are crowded and this is how tango has been done for so many years in BsAs. The only exception I have seen is on Saturday night when couples may dance salon style in certain milongas where there is more room to dance. Men dance with certain women on a regular basis. They may have a particular woman with whom they enjoy dancing milonga traspie or a certain orchestra. It takes time to be known in the milongas and to be asked to dance by the best dancers. It's only going to happen if you are here for a long time and get to be known. The "regulars" of every milonga have reserved tables. They have been going to the milonga for years and are given the same table every week. If you are going with two or three friends, it is advisable to call and make a reservation around 8pm. Your table will be held only until 11:30pm, so if you're late, someone else has it. The best dancers are always seated in the front row tables around the dance floor. They are the ones to watch when they dance and look to when you get up the courage. Saturday night is not the best night for singles to dance in the milongas, because this is the night most couples go to dance. Go to one of the Saturday afternoon milongas where you can get in enough dancing from 4pm until 10:30pm and catch up on your sleep. There are more milongas on Saturday night than any other night; just don't expect to have the same selection of partners that you have in the matinee milongas. If you are a new face in a milonga, the person who seats you probably won't give you a very good table. He saves the best tables for the regulars. To get a better table, you can always ask for it and/or pay for it. Try to find out who the organizer is and introduce yourself. Ivonne Laens who hosts Viejo Correo on Tuesday and Friday will line up partners for foreign women at her milonga so you won't have to go home disappointed. She and her partner try to seat single women with someone and do their best to make you feel welcome. We all know that American dancers (myself included) don't drink much except water. The income from drink sales keeps the milongas going, so even though the price of a small bottle of water seems high at $3, buy one. You need it anyway. Please don't try to sneak in your own bottle in your shoe bag. Americans live a higher lifestyle than Argentines, and buying one bottle won't break your travel budget. Be sure to tip the waitress a peso--she's working hard in the milongas. When you consider that the price of admission is only $5 at the majority of milongas, you're getting a deal. You will have an evening of the best music while you can watch fabulous dancing for six hours seven hours. Sometimes it even includes an exhibition. Many milongas have a sorteo (raffle) where you could possibly win a free admission or bottle of champagne. Hold on to your number that is given when you pay at the door. If you are going to change into your dance shoes when you arrive at the milonga, please do so in the bathroom. Ladies rooms in Gricel, Canning, Italia Unita and others provide a chair just for this purpose. Women change from their work clothes into milonga attire at the matinee milongas. You just announce to everyone that you are a foreign visitor when you change your shoes at the table. And who wants to smell your feet after hours of dancing?
