Nina: I had to meditate on this as well for a bit. You are absolutely right on about cabeceo working when you have the intention of dancing. Which is why we do this in the first place.
Cabeceo can be done from a distance, you can find out who is aware or not, it is easy to turn down or accept a dance. There is so much communication that happens in that short span that is the cabeceo (is this is a nice friendly exchange or are I and the follow undressing each other in plain sight). A whole lot of reasons for cabeceo. However if the follow is engaged in other things it is either because she is aware of this (IE: Engaged in conversation or ignoring an invitation). Or she is not aware (IE: some where else or not aware of what is happening around her). This is true for the Lead as well. I like the movie Taming of the shrew a whole lot. With Richard and Liz, possibly one of their best movies. But in taking this theme. What is scary about asking the Follow to dance, stranger or not. To stand at the edge of that veil and wonder what is truly on the other side of what she may bring into the dance with me. It could be a very sharp dagger aimed deadly at my throat, heart and manhood. Possibly a simple conversation over coffee or wine. Could even be an invitation to intimate pleasure. Or even a nice way to say hello, let's have a nice social dance. With Cabeceo, it is to find out. I know what my eye sees, trust what my instincts tell me, and choose who is open to me. Is there any science to this, yes a little. But no one needs to spend too much time figuring this out. It is not my concern if the Follow is grouchy or feeling anything else, that is her business. Mine is to ask for the dance. If she accepts, Great!! If she happens to be grouchy, I will do what I can to lead her to a place where she can breath, or perhaps be impish. Regardless of any mask she shows, I am the lead. I say yes to her mask and request that she take a step. I only ask a simple clear response and presence from her. She accepts an invitation or she does not. If she gives me a clear response, this response is not personal, it is just a response. If she is otherwise engaged or unaware I can try one more time, but if I still get the same results. I can enjoy the music, talk with a friend, have a drink, watch the other dancers, I can also ask another follow. All of this in Cabeceo. I could not help but include something from the bard. Which could be looked at as a verbal Cabeceo. (Note to the guys: It helps to scan quickly, in finding something of interest). PETRUCHIO Come, come, you wasp; i' faith, you are too angry. KATHARINA If I be waspish, best beware my sting. PETRUCHIO My remedy is then, to pluck it out. KATHARINA Ay, if the fool could find it where it lies, PETRUCHIO Who knows not where a wasp does wear his sting? In his tail. KATHARINA In his tongue. PETRUCHIO Whose tongue? KATHARINA Yours, if you talk of tails: and so farewell. PETRUCHIO What, with my tongue in your tail? nay, come again, Good Kate; I am a gentleman. -----Original Message----- From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Nina Pesochinsky Sent: Sunday, September 23, 2007 2:50 PM To: Tango L list Subject: Re: [Tango-L] FW: Nina critique of Milonga invite, cabaceo revisited Hi, David, My first response to what works with me was "Nothing!!!". Then I thought about it. The cabeceo works when I have an intention of dancing. This really is the best way - mysterious and engaging. However, if I am doing other things, then I am not looking. In the past, just dragging me to the dance floor without words has been successful for some and rather impressive to me (made me think of the "Taming of the Shrew" with Liz Taylor and Richard Burton), but strangers would be risking their lives. This is only for the brave and fearless men who think that they know me. Then there is the ration between the DJ factor and the grouchiness factor. If the DJ is playing good music, anything might work really well with me - words or no words. If the DJ is playing something strange, my grouchiness factor goes up and that's when nothing works because I get to annoyed to dance. If the person is sitting with me, then something impish could be good and the cabeceo becomes very wonderful. You see, invitation is important as well as a proper response to it. And there are so many possibilities! Warm regards, Nina At 11:25 PM 9/20/2007, David Hodgson wrote: >I have to ask, would any of those lines in and of themselves work with you? >I am including Cabeceo also. >Depends on the guy conveying the line is my thought. > >David > > >-----Original Message----- >From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of >Nina Pesochinsky >Sent: Thursday, September 20, 2007 12:15 PM >To: Nussbaum, Martin >Cc: [email protected] >Subject: Re: [Tango-L] Nina critique of Milonga invite, cabaceo revisited > >Hi, Martin, > >Cabeceo is really the only way. It can be delicious and irresistable. > the sales pitch must fit the context. The context here is tango - >intense and intuitive. In addition to that, tango dancers usually >happen to be hypersensitive people. No verbal sales pitch can be as >intuitive as a cabeceo.\ > >I believe that a verbal invitation is inappropriate to tango, unless >the person who is asking or who is being asked has a vision >inpairment. In that case - "may I dance this tanda with you?" is an >almost full-proof invitation that will result in a yes (please note >that I suggested "may I dance with you?", instead of "woul you like to >dance?") > >Again, if there is a vision impairement, there are other creative >things to say to a woman: >- My life will be ruine if you do not dance this tanda with me. >- I may never dance tango again if we do not dance this tanda. >- I had a dream of dancing this exact tanda and the person was you! >- If we dance this now, it could be amazing and unforgettable. > >Etc., etc. > >Cabeeo is the only way, but if a person cannot see well, the words >must be sensitive and poetic when addressing women. It is an ancient >wisdom that men love with their eyes and women with their ears. > >Warm regards, > >Nina > >Quoting "Nussbaum, Martin" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>: > > > Nina wrote: > > "If someone had offered me to "do a few milongas", I am not sure I would > > have answered it any differently than this woman. :)Language holds > > power. Never underestimate the power of seduction (salesmanship, > > persuasion). This is an example of a failed sales attempt. The man had > > 2 seconds for a sales pitch and he failed to sell himself and the > > experience he was offering to the woman, and she did not want to be a > > woman with him." > > > > Okay, Nina, let's digress into a new topic momentarily. My preferred > > invite method is always the cabaceo, a custom I love, despite the fact > > that many followers in my neck of the woods (NYC ) are unfamiliar with > > it, so instead of meeting the eyes of leaders would rather stare at the > > floor glumly wondering why they arent dancing. Add in the fact that > > milonga hosts in the US strangely insist on keeping the lighting so dark > > that you cant see a cabaceo from 10 feet away, let alone across the > > room, as you could in the brightly-lit BA milongas. (I always > > wondered why they don't want us to see how everyone in the room is > > dancing). So, leaders often fall back on a poor alternative to the > > cabaceo, the direct verbal invite. Please educate me, Nina, what are > > some examples of quality 2 second sales pitches you, or others on this > > forum, have heard and accepted? I have experimented with the gallant, > > "May I have the honor of this tanda?" To the mundane, "would you like to > > dance?", to the direct, "let's dance this one", to the humorous "good > > god, woman, its Disarli, how can you possibly sit this one out?" I > > would like to expand this repertoire, so if you have cant-miss ideas, > > please share. > > -Martin Nussbaum > > > > > >---------------------------------------------------------------- >http://www.earthnet.net Boulder's Premier Datacenter > > > >_______________________________________________ >Tango-L mailing list >[email protected] >http://mailman.mit.edu/mailman/listinfo/tango-l > >_______________________________________________ >Tango-L mailing list >[email protected] >http://mailman.mit.edu/mailman/listinfo/tango-l _______________________________________________ Tango-L mailing list [email protected] http://mailman.mit.edu/mailman/listinfo/tango-l _______________________________________________ Tango-L mailing list [email protected] http://mailman.mit.edu/mailman/listinfo/tango-l
