You know, Anton, it just really isn't easy, so forgive yourself. You're going to be fine. You're trying so very hard, and that means the answers will come. Meanwhile, friendship counts for a lot. Your partners notice and appreciate that you're sincere and considerate. They like that. I know you want to be a good dancer, and I'm sure you're on your way so I'm not telling you to settle for less. But honestly, women who have been around a while are very thankful just to dance with someone who cares.
For a while, the hardest women to dance with will be the intermediate dancers who are just as ambitious as you are and wishing they could be dancing all the time with the "great" dancers. You, too, will find just how much friendship matters, and years from now you'll still be dancing with the ones who were kind to you when you were starting out. Somehow, it won't matter to you if they never really became such great dancers. You'll be dancing with them just because of who they are and how you feel about them. Then tango will be taking care of your soul instead of the other way around. That's tango for the long haul. Eventually your most serious efforts will become a private matter and you won't keep apologizing out loud for where you are and what you think you might have flubbed. It isn't arrogance, it's acceptance. You're allowed to accept yourself while continuing to strive to be better. People like being around someone who accepts himself. It's less work. Once you accept yourself, you'll also discover something else very magical, that you even have the power to accept other people, too, and wow do they ever like that! You'll have hundreds of partners beating a path to dance with you and you won't even be trying. Have a great time! Valerie On Tue, Nov 24, 2009 at 8:47 PM, Anton Stanley <[email protected]> wrote: > A question for the ladies. What's more important in a leader, to be > assertive and positive or passive and hesitant? > I can still vividly recall an incident at my very beginning of tango. A > woman considerably more experienced, tried to help by instructing me to be > more positive. In my mind I was positive - I was positive that I didn't know > what I was doing. This moment was quite pivotal in my tango development. I > could easily have elected to do the macho thing and become assertive and > positive although I had no skills or knowledge to support it. I could have > learned to give women an assertive, positive and crappy dance, instead of a > passive, hesitant and crappy dance. I believe I wisely chose the latter, in > the belief that in time I would be skilled enough to become assertive and > positive. Passive and hesitant, two traits that are an anathema to > manliness; traits that women despise in men. Could a man be forgiven for > transgressing into manhandling his partner because he couldn't bear the > shame whilst waiting to acquire the skills. Of course, there are always > knuckle heads like me. > > Anton > > > _______________________________________________ > Tango-L mailing list > [email protected] > http://mailman.mit.edu/mailman/listinfo/tango-l > -- Cryptic Ember - The tango blog of Valerie Dark (my pseudonym) http://crypticember.blogspot.com _______________________________________________ Tango-L mailing list [email protected] http://mailman.mit.edu/mailman/listinfo/tango-l
