Hi all Handing somebody such an explanation card sounds like handing somebody a mint. It probably means something. I think it should sit on the tables (just like the mints). Or maybe the organizer should include it with the announcements. Having people practice the cabeceo on waiters/waitresses when they go to restaurants is very helpful. Once people are aware of it, example will make it spread. But only a subset of the population will ever adopt it, and here is why.
In the US, the cabeceo is in the interest *only* of dancers who want to decline invitations. The cabeceo is counterproductive for those less desirable dancers who would see their acceptance rate go down if they made it easier for people to decline them. For these people the cabeceo strategy carries only penalties in the form of declined dances; the benefit is the rejection is more discrete, but I think most don't care about that. In sum, the result is negative. The cabeceo is also counterproductive for people who are not familiar with it, because they miss out; however this is easily remedied by public information and word of mouth. It is different for the above category who would need to become more desirable partners, which is harder to do. We don't have a problem with verbal askers provided they are people we generally want to dance with (barring some negotiations about the details, this set/next vals set etc), so the cabeceo is more or less a neutral strategy for the partners we like. It's nice, but not essential, and has a marginal influence on the outcome of the negotiation. "Everybody else" should use the cabeceo so we can refuse them with minimal fuss, and to these inviters the cabeceo is a handicap because it sets them up for failure to get dances. Obviously this strategy is dead in the water in the US where a public verbal refusal is considered a minor setback, and the culture counsels renewed determination in the face of adversity. No problem: ask the lady in the next chair, and the next one after that! In Argentina the guys are really worried about having to slink off empty-handed after being unceremoniously rejected for all to see. So in Argentina, verbal asking is the strategy with the penalty potential of public humiliation. Here, it's the cabeceo, and the penalty is a decline in dances. A final consideration is that the cabeceo may have the unintended effect of excluding visiting strangers. In New York we get lots of visiting strangers, ppl on business and such. If you are cabeceo'd by a person you've never seen before and who has been sitting alone at a table for a while, will you accept? As a milonga host, when I have time I try to measure these people up and introduce them to a suitable person from among my more helpful regulars. If you visit my milonga (Tango Lounge Fridays in NYC), before you hit the bar, come introduce yourself to me. All that said, I am in favor of the cabeceo and use it whenever possible. I am a follower who also leads and I use it on men and women. It works less well on women, maybe because they don't expect an invitation from another woman. I am more likely to be the initiator of the cabeceo. I avoid looking at people I don't want to dance with or when I am busy. Tine DJ/organizer/dancer NYC _______________________________________________ Tango-L mailing list [email protected] http://mailman.mit.edu/mailman/listinfo/tango-l
