Okay, I've decided to go back to the drawing board. It's been looming on the horizon for some time, bugging me, nagging at me in the back of my mind, one of those things that I know needs doing. So here goes...
While it's true that I've taken some flack of late from uneducated n'er-do-wells with snappy comments regarding the "slop" I play and how I'm apparently luckier than Kenny G in my musical success based upon my apparent lack of ability to be an actual musician, this is not the basis for my conclusion that things need to change. There's a lot of things that need changing around here really, and the musical aspect is only one of the pieces of the puzzle. I'm getting fed up with feeling like the weak link in so many chains, not all of them musical. Call it a delayed New Year's Resolution list, if you will. As middle age comes and settles in more firmly I find myself wanting to play better, to understand more, to feel a connection with what I'm doing that's not been there in quite some time. Yes, I've been winging it. But then I suppose I've not fooled everybody judging by the latest flurry of comments and my own personal feelings of musical unrest. I need a feeling of belonging to what I'm doing, I need to feel I'm doing it well, that it's a part of me. So far, no cigar. I sat here today and played "Black Joke w/Variations" as I do every couple days(or so...there's part of the problem right there; lack of consistency and regularity) and made a greater effort to play the notes cleanly and with character. Egad. You'd think I never saw this exercise before. I used to play at it every day, every morning first thing, out on the porch with the mando and the 'dola to do my ritual, my mando-meditation. But now I'm playing it and paying attention to detail in a different way. I am reworking my right hand some due to feeling some wear and tear over the last 38 years and it's hard, REAL hard. I'm working on making it work smoothly and relaxed, but feeling strong and sure. I'm watching my pick angle. I'm watching how much motion I use to make the strokes, how I cross over strings to get to the next, listening to the sound of the notes, the evenness of the tremolo(or not, in this case), watching my pick angle, etc. Everything I can think of. And I know that the more I work, the more things will turn up that need attention. Truth is, I spend a lot of time working, but not efficiently. I waste 30 minutes here, an hour there not focused on anything. Now I don't mean to say that putting one's brain out of gear now and again is not a good idea, but being on auto-pilot all the time, not filtering what goes in and comes out, is not really a good idea. So, the tune books are out, the paper is out, the iTunes list is open, lyrics are at easy reach. I'm not sure I even know how to accomplish what I want to get done. If I sit and ponder it too hard the task will just seem like too much of a mountain to climb. Maybe in pieces small enough to chew is the way to go, but I feel like now I have to chew all the time to get ahead and see real success, real progress. Real progress will instill passion for success. I find I've got a lot more things I want to get done, and feeling I'm playing at the level I think I should be is high on the list. I have raised my standards for myself. I have quite a collection of material I want to learn and explore. The list grows and I just sit and watch it without whittling any of it away. I know myself well enough to know that this will all nag me in the back of my mind until I do something about it. Here I go... mistertaterbug
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