How to tell if your spouse is cheating
BY PAT BURSON
STAFF WRITER
November 7, 2005
You're reading the newspaper, and your husband or wife could be
cheating on you at this very moment.
Not possible, you think?
Of the 19,000 U.S. adults responding anonymously to a national survey
about their sexual behavior between 1991 and 2004, 13 percent of
women and 22 percent of men reported having a sexual partner other
than their spouse while they were married, says Tom W. Smith,
director of the General Social Survey at the National Opinion
Research Center at the University of Chicago. Although the figures
remained relatively stable for men throughout that time, Smith says
the numbers for women fluctuated between 11 percent and 14 percent,
indicating a "small but clear upward trend."
So, how can you be so sure they are - or aren't?
Relationship and infidelity experts, private investigators,
technology specialists and divorce attorneys say if you know the
subtle and not-so-subtle signs to look for, they'll point you to the
answer.
You can put your five senses to work. Or you can shell out hundreds -
or thousands - of dollars to hire a private detective. You can also
invest in the newest high-tech products on the market - computer
spyware, electronic tracking devices, in-home evidence-gathering kits
among them - in an effort to catch cheating mates.
David Vitalli, a private investigator and chief executive of Tru-Test
Forensic and Applied Sciences Corp. in upstate Newburgh, says that
three weeks ago his company began marketing a patented home evidence-
collection kit that will help spouses detect with 100 percent
accuracy whether their mates have been intimate with someone else.
The kit contains an ultraviolet light that will detect stains on your
mate's clothing that are normally impossible to see or feel. Protein
and enzyme formulas included in the kit also will identify the
presence of bodily fluids. And if you require further proof, you can
mail specimens you've collected in an enclosed envelope to a
laboratory for testing to determine whether they match your DNA, your
mate's - or someone else's. The kit costs $79.95 (877-362-9900 or
www.trutestinc.com). Sending specimens for laboratory DNA testing
will cost at least $500. (Retaining a private eye can start at
$1,000, Vitalli says, and from there, "The sky's the limit.")
"A lot of people can't afford to hire investigators," he adds. "This
is science. This is not a gimmick. This is a double-edged sword,
though. It can prove you're innocent, or it can prove you're guilty.
It can confirm your fears or alleviate [them]."
Suspicious spouses also are now using global positioning systems, or
GPS, to track their mates' whereabouts.
Larry Wasylin, vice president of sales and marketing for Magnolia
Broadband of Bedminster, N.J., has seen it firsthand in recent months
during business trips to Asia. In one instance, he says, he was
dining at a restaurant when a colleague pulled out and stared at his
cell phone.
"I said, 'What are you doing?' He said, 'I'm looking to see where my
wife is.' She was picking up the kids from an after-school program.
He said, 'She'll be home in about 30 minutes.' They're marketing it
right now under a brand iKids," he adds. "The idea is it allows
parents to ensure the safety of their children.... It's not confined
to children. People like to know where their spouses are."
Cell phones that capture video can do the same thing, he says,
allowing a private eye to tape your mate and then stream data to you.
While living in Taiwan about five years ago, Wayslin says he also saw
reports about a new chip inserted into a cell phone to allow
suspicious husbands and wives to listen in on their spouses' calls
without them knowing. Some are using the images they've seen and
conversations they've heard to confront the cheaters.
He says you can expect to see this technology hit U.S. markets in the
not-so-distant future.
Countless signs
To Ruth Houston, the Rego Park author of "Is He Cheating on You? -
829 Telltale Signs" (Lifestyle Publications, $29.95), gizmos and
gadgets won't tell the whole story. For example, she says, GPS will
tell you where they are but not what they're doing or with whom.
Spyware on your computer will tell you the content of the e-mails
going back and forth, but there is information you still will not be
able to detect, such as the seriousness of the relationship or the
identity of the other person.
Even private investigators are limited by what you tell them. The
more detailed information you can give them, the better. She advises,
for instance, providing a window of time when you think your spouse
might be having a rendezvous, as well as a possible location or an
unfamiliar number on your phone bill.
"You don't need a lot of gadgets," says Houston, who has been
researching infidelity for more than a decade since discovering her
ex cheated on her. "If you know what to look for, you can find
countless signs of infidelity using only your eyes, your ears and
your personal knowledge of your mate. The key is knowing what to look
for."
That involves being tuned into your mate's work habits, daily
schedule, and likes and dislikes, Houston says. "Then you can zero in
on what's happening. You will see changes across the board. There
will be things you pick up in their conversation, personal hygiene,
how they relate to you, personal behaviors, changes in all those
areas," which she lists on www.infidelityadvice.com.
Some focus on obvious signs (lipstick on the collar, coming home
late) and overlook the subtle clues, Houston says. For instance, your
spouse takes a sudden interest in things, like volunteering to take
over paying the monthly bills - a job you've been doing - to give
you, he or she says, a much-needed break.
---
You are currently subscribed to telecom-cities as: [EMAIL PROTECTED] To
unsubscribe send a blank email to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Manage your mail settings at
http://forums.nyu.edu/cgi-bin/nyu.pl?enter=telecom-cities
RSS feed of list traffic:
http://www.mail-archive.com/telecom-cities@forums.nyu.edu/maillist.xml
