One fine day not too far south of Juarez I was tootling along when I ran
into a checkpoint manned by a bunch of guys in orange jumpsuits who I
presumed to be Federales. They were massively armed with all sorts of high
powered
automatic and semiautomatic rifles and pistols which they were unloading
like armageddon at a large number of whiskey and tequila bottles lined up on
the hillside by the road. From that and their staggering and swaggering
demeanor I quickly concluded that they were dead drunk and that I was soon to
be dead, or at the very least relieved of some cash. Not to worry though,
for I had taken the precaution of bringing a suitable supply of the
universal solvent. No, not money, beer! When in Mexico I alway carry two
coolers,
one filled with good Mexican beer which I consume myself, and one filled
with Budweiser for the Feds. So when they started to rip apart my truck in
search of whatever I simply directed them to look in cooler B. There they
found the very contraband they were looking for. Problem solved! And to think
that some poor fools suppose that guns and alcohol don't mix!
Since some folks like to poke snakes with a stick just to hear them rattle
(which is of course the exact moral equivalent of making batty patties), so
I think I should be forgiven for my recent satyrical diatribe concerning
the manhood and religious preferences of those who feel compelled to carry
guns. Just for the record I do support the right of gun ownership for the
aforementioned reason that when guns are outlawed only soldiers, cops, and
criminals will have guns. The vast majority of my friends own guns, some of
them own veritable arsenals, but all have the good judgement to be slightly
abashed and thus keep their gun well hidden. In other words they are not
deranged cowboys. Don’t ask don’t tell works fine with me.
The problem is that we are not as civilized as the Swiss. We celebrate guns
and encourage their proliferation. Responsible concealed carry and home
protection weaponry aside, does any one really think it is a good idea for
inner city teenagers to have guns? More to the point is the recent ruling
that guns be permitted in National Parks. These places are supposed to be
sanctuaries. It is a plain fact that the presence of guns will increase mayhem
and impact wildlife. “I had to shoot the (fill in the blank with snake,
wolf, panther, person, etc.) cuz I felt threatened. That bat was flying
straight at me!”
There are many toxic concepts, cultures, and ideologies throughout the
world. The flavors differ, but what they all have in common is a basis of fear
and superstition masquerading as tradition. We might suppose that female
genital mutilation is a really bad idea, but hey, it’s an honored tradition,
and besides, what right do we have to question how others live? You might
respond that not having your pussy cut out or sown shut is a basic right. So
is not getting shot.
You might think being a cowboy is cool, but just ask any Indian and he will
tell you that our traditional culture of gun violence and unrestrained
private property ownership with the inevitable consequent rape of natural
resources is a bad idea. In other words, ours is just another toxic culture
only with a ten gallon hat instead of a turban. That and my own propensity for
violence is why I don’t own a gun.
Sleaze
