After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her
husband accompany her on her trips to K -Mart.
Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men--he found shopping
boring and preferred to get in and get out.
Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women--she
loved to browse. One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from
her local K -Mart.
Dear Mrs. Fenton,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a
commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be
forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr.
Fenton are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance
cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in
people's carts when they weren't looking.
2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at
5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to
the women's restroom.
4. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of
M&M's on lay -by.
5. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a
carpeted area.
6. September 17: Set up a tent in the camping department and
told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and
blankets from the bedding department.
7. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he
began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it
as a mirror while he picked his nose.
9. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department,
he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
10. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud
speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE
VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least ...
11. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'
Regards,
K -Mart
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