General Staff of the Reichswehr in 1930 “I divide my officers into four classes; the clever, the lazy, the industrious, and the stupid. Most often two of these qualities come together. The officers who are clever and industrious are fitted for the highest staff appointments. Those who are stupid and lazy make up around 90% of every army in the world, and they can be used for routine work. The man who is clever and lazy however is for the very highest command; he has the temperament and nerves to deal with all situations. But whoever is stupid and industrious is a menace and must be removed immediately!”
Officer Fitness Reports The British Military writes performance ratings as Officer Fitness Reports. The form used for Royal Navy and Marines fitness reports is the S206. The following are excerpts taken from actual '206's' His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity. When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there. He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction. He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle. Technically sound, but socially impossible. This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope- always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere. (I liked this one) This young lady has delusions of adequacy. When he joined my ship, this Officer was something of a granny; since then he has aged considerably. This Medical Officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar. (I liked this one too) Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig. She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them. He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age. This Officer should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better. This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. The only ship I would recommend this man for is citizenship. Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap. 3. A WW II anecdote An enemy decoy, built in occupied Holland, led to a tale that has been told and retold ever since by veteran Allied pilots. The German "airfield," constructed with meticulous care, was made almost entirely of wood. There were wooden hangars, oil tanks, gun emplacements, trucks, and aircraft. The Germans took so long in building their wooden decoy that Allied photo experts had more than enough time to observe and report it. The day finally came when the decoy was finished, down to the last wooden plank. Early the following morning, a lone RAF plane crossed the Channel, came in low, circled the field once, and dropped a large wooden bomb. 4. My favourite mobilisation order. So much for modern military motivational techniques! Mobilisation Order by Emperor Haile Selassie - Abyssinia 1936 ' Everyone will now be mobilised and all boys old enough to carry a spear will be sent to Addis Ababa ' ' Married men will take their wives to carry food and to cook. Those without wives will take a woman without a husband. Woman with small babies need not go ' ' The blind, those who cannot walk, or for any reason cannot carry a spear, are exempted.' ' Any one found at home after receipt of this order will be hanged.' When someone shares something of value with you and you benefit from it, you have a moral obligation to share it with others
