Relieving Suffering
If the world is such a great place, why am I suffering?
There's nothing new about complaining how miserable life is. Ancient Romans
complained about suffering and pain. The philosophers of that time responded to
complaints humorously. For example, Seneca said, "Remember that pain has this
most excellent quality: If prolonged it cannot be severe, and if severe it
cannot be prolonged (because you will soon die)." Similarly, Marcus T. Cicero
said, "All pain is either severe or slight, if slight, it is easily endured; if
severe, it will without doubt be brief."
A sense of humor not only lessens our burdens, but makes life worth living.
Even in the most trying circumstances, we can keep our humor. Saint Thomas
More, for example, expressed his wit even moments prior to his execution.
Before being beheaded on July 6, 1535, he was asked if he had any last words.
Addressing the crowd of onlookers, he told them that although no one had ever
seen him lose his temper, today they would see him lose his head!
What can we say to those who believe life is miserable? Well, what if it is? If
life is terrible, people need help. They need to be encouraged, uplifted,
cheered up, and made to laugh. And if we volunteer to help, what do you suppose
will happen? As we brighten the lives of others, won't we experience happiness?
Won't those we help also experience the same? And if we're all happy, doesn't
that prove that life is not miserable? Actually, life simply IS. It is neither
great nor miserable. It is our ATTITUDE that is sunny or gloomy, not life.
Most of our problems come from focusing inward, instead of outward. Notice the
focus on "I" in the title of this article. We need to stop feeling sorry for
ourselves and start feeling sorry for others. We can show compassion and help
to reduce their burden. We also need to understand how life works. Can we have
friends if we refuse to be a friend? Can we expect others to smile at us when
we don't smile at them? Do we have unrealistic expectations, believing the
world will be handed to us on a silver platter? Do we fail to realize that we
get out of life what we put into it?
What is our purpose? It is to grow, unfold, actualize, or reach our potential.
And the universe's purpose is to help us grow. It does this by giving us
challenges to overcome. Many people are unhappy simply because they miss this
point. They view challenges as hassles, burdens, and suffering instead of
opportunities for growth. We need to use the difficulties we face to grow
better, not bitter. Ask yourself, is my current situation a mountain of dung or
a mountain of fertilizer, which is necessary for growth?
Granted, overcoming difficulties can be painful, but as Ben Franklin said,
"There are no gains without pains." Besides, which would you rather have, the
pain of discipline or the pain of bitter disappointment? Can we experience the
exhilaration of victory without hardships to conquer? We are not supposed to
grow numb with fear by life's challenges, but use them to discover who we are.
Deng Ming-Dao adds, "Although it is tempting to resent disaster, there is not
much use in doing so... Whether we remain ash or become the phoenix is up to
us."
More Tips on Relieving Suffering
a) Look at the big picture and stop exaggerating your own importance. Accept
the laws of life. Don't resist hardship. Welcome it as an opportunity. When you
do so, you disarm it of any power over you. "It is your resistance to 'what is'
that causes your suffering." (Buddha)
b) When you learn how to overcome obstacles, you become more valuable. You will
be in a position to help others and your joy will multiply. Why be satisfied
with the joy of success when you can add to it the joy of helping others?
c) Stop looking for peace and happiness in all the wrong places. The only way
to FEEL good is to BE good. The only way to BE good is to DO good. That is, all
we have to do is everything we ought to do. When we do our best, we won't feel
regret. When we do what is right, we won't feel guilty.
d) Stop worrying. Face real problems, but don't fret over what MAY happen in
the future. Doing so is a waste of valuable energy. Don't let your imagination
run wild. It has a habit of imagining the worse. It doesn't make sense to grow
stressful over an imaginary problem.
e) Don't fear fear, welcome it. It can be exhilarating. As Connie Chung said,
"I wanted to be scared again... I wanted to feel unsure again. That's the only
way I learn, the only way I feel challenged."
f) Realize that you are not alone. If you could read the hearts and minds of
others, you would be shocked to learn about their fears. Don't think you are
the only one having a tough time. We all experience pleasure and pain, joy and
sorrow, so get with the program. "Suffering" is the admission ticket to the
game of life.
g) Count your blessings. Don't forget to include the misfortunes you avoided.
For example, I just lost my job. Yipes! That's a disaster. But my family doctor
lost his wife in an auto accident. So, I'm very fortunate; far better to lose
my job than my wife.
h) Hang out with people that will uplift you, not bring you down. "I say stay
away from the miserable people, because misery does love company. Just look at
a fly strip. You never see a fly stuck there saying, 'Go around! Go around!'"
(Margaret Smith)
Summing up, hardships are not negative events, but positive opportunities.
"Suffering" allows us to develop courage and character. Regarding courage,
Aristotle taught, "Suffering becomes beautiful when anyone bears great
calamities with cheerfulness, not through insensibility but through greatness
of mind." And regarding character, Helen Keller had this to say, "Character
cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and
suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and
success achieved." By now, we should be aware that the world IS a great place
after all. However, not everyone has reached this understanding. So, when you
meet someone complaining about life, show a little compassion and cheer them on
their way. Who knows? They may learn from your example.
Chuck Gallozzi
"You can take from every experience what it has to offer you. And you cannot be
defeated if you just keep taking one breath followed by another."
- Oprah Winfrey (1954 - ), O Magazine, What I Know For Sure, January 2004
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