You must have heard some of these earlier. But, as a lot, they are very close to the intended target and hence worth a laugh . * * *Great golfing lines...
1. Winston Churchill: "Golf is like chasing an Aspirin pill around a cow pasture." 2. Jack Benny: "Give me the fresh air, a beautiful woman, and a nice round of golf,and you can keep the fresh air and the round of golf." 3. Lee Trevino: "You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work." 4. Tommy Bolt: "Toward the end of one of his infamous high-volume, temperamental, club-throwing rounds, asked his caddie for a club recommendation for a shot of about 155 yards. His caddie said, "I'd say either a 3-iron or a wedge, sir." "A 3-iron or a wedge?" asked Bolt. "What kind of stupid choice is that?" "Those are the only two clubsyou have left, sir," said the caddie. 5. Hank Aaron: "It took me seventeen years get 3,000 hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course." 6. Lee Trevino: "Columbus went around the world in 1492. That isn't a lot of strokes when you consider the course." 7.Lee Trevino:"I'm not saying my golf game went bad,but if I grew tomatoes,they' d come up sliced." 8. Paul Harvey: "Golf is a game in which you yell "fore", shoot six, and write down five." 9. Tommy Bolt: about the tempers of modern players: "They throw their clubs backwards, and that's wrong. You should always throw a club ahead of you so that you don't have to walk any extra distance to get it." 10. Tommy Bolt: "Putting allows the touchy golfer two to four opportunities to blow a gasket in the short space of two to four feet." 11. Jimmy Demaret: "Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at." 12. Jack Lemmon: "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball." 13. Lee Trevino: "If you're caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron." 14. Unknown: "Fifty years ago, 100 white men chasing one black man across a field, was called the Ku Klux Klan. Today it's called the PGA Tour." 15. John Updike: "Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five." 16. Jay Leno: "The people who gave us golf and called it a game are the same people who gave us bag pipes and called it music." 17. Gerald Ford: "I would like to deny all allegations by Bob Hope that during my last game of golf, I hit an eagle, a birdie, an elk and a moose." 18. P.G. Wodehouse: "The least thing upsets him on the links. He missed short putts because of the uproar of butterflies in the adjoining meadows." 19. Bob Hope: "If I'm on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If God wants to play through, let Him." 20. Chi Chi Rodriguez: "The first time I played the Masters, I was so nervous I drank a bottle of rum before I teed off. I shot the happiest 89 of my life." 21. Chi Chi Rodriguez: "After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye."*
