Subject: Fwd: daily affirmations
DAILY AFFIRMATIONS
I have the power to channel my imagination into ever soaring levels of
suspicion and paranoia.
I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone
else's fault.
I no longer need to punish, deceive, or compromise myself. Unless, of course, I
want to stay employed.
In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.
Having control over myself is nearly as good as having control over others.
My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of good judgment.
I can change any thought that hurts into a reality that hurts even more.
I honor my personality flaws, for without them I would have no personality at
all.
I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious,
self-righteous people around me.
I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper, and complain.
As I learn the innermost secrets of the people around me, they reward me in
many ways to keep me quiet.
When someone hurts me, forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit. But not nearly as
gratifying.
The first step is to say nice things about myself. The second, to do nice
things for myself. The third, to find someone to buy me nice things.
As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun.
All of me is beautiful and valuable, even the ugly, stupid, and disgusting
parts.
Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves into knots.
Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary
fears.
Does my quiet self-pity get to you or should I move up to incessant nagging?
Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter
words than "I told you so."
A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to the problem.
Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day watching TV. Instead I
will move my TV into the bedroom.
Who can I blame for my own problems? Give me just a minute... I'll find someone.
The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is working.
I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.
Becoming aware of my character defects leads me to the next step, blaming my
parents.
I will find humor in my everyday life by looking for people I can laugh at.
The next time the universe knocks on my door, I will pretend I am not home.
My body is a temple. Do you want to come over for midnight mass?
To have a successful relationship I must learn to make it look like I'm giving
as much as I'm getting.
I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from
them.
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