*INVESTMENT VOCABULARY FOR SMART INVESTOR* *EBITDA *: Earnings Before I Tricked Damned Auditor
*EBIT *: Earnings Before Irregularities & Tampering *CEO *: Chief Embezzlement Officer * CFO *: Corporate Fraud Officer * NAV *: Normal Anderson Valuation * FRS *: Fantasy Reporting Standards * P/E *: Parole Entitlement * EPS *: Eventual Prison Sentence *Bull Market *: A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. *Bear Market *: A 6-18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. *Momentum Investing *: The fine art of buying high and selling low. *Value Investing *: The are of buying low and selling lower. *P/E Ratio *: The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. *Broker *: What my broker has made me. *"BUY-BUY" *: A flight attendant making market recommendations as you step off the airplane. *Standard & Poor *: My life in a nutshell. *Stock Analyst *: Idiot who just downgraded your stock. *Stock Split *: When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. *Financial Planner *: A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes. *Market Correction *: The day after you buy stocks. *Cash Flow *: The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. *Yahoo *: What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240. per share. *Windows 7 *: What you jump out of when you're the sucker that bought Yahoo at $240./share. *Institutional Investor *: Past year investor who's now locked up in a nut house. *Profit *: Religious guy who talks to G-d.
